All The Single Ladies!

I'm back in dreary Portland after my whirlwind weekend with my amazingly wonderful college buddies. We had a wonderful time up in Seattle hanging at the W hotel and dancing all night at Neighbours. I've never been to a gay bar with so many straight dudes. Or gay dudes who hit on women. Good times though. Good times.

Oh if only I didn't have to work again. And if only birthdays were holidays ::sigh:: But I've managed to entertain myself today instead of going to the office, like I should, with this amazing (or CRAMAZING!) video for Beyonce's (Sasha Fierce's...whatever) song. I'm not generally a Beyonce fan (looooved Destiny's Child though) because I just can't get past her lyrics. "Irreplaceable" is a catchy tune, but I think there's something wrong with rhyming a word with the same word. Can't you be more creative? Do you really have to say "I could have another you in a minute. Matter fact, he'll be here in a minute"? And I'm sorry, but "If I Were a Boy" was already done by Ciara in 2006 and her version is way better. That said, I'm obsessed with the video for "Single Ladies." It's the best dance routine ever. Look at her legs! And her butt! And all in those heels! It's magically hypnotizing. Seriously. I've watched the first minute and a half of the video 10 times today.

Ok now I'm really off to work. Just for a few hours though. I also need to go boot shopping and the library and then later I'm going to see Milk. And tomorrow I'll be 25! Yikes.

Happy Thanksgiving!

The eating and boozing hasn't started yet (and we do have 6 bottles of wine to get through before the day is over) but for now, I'm enjoying my Thanksgiving down in Eugene with some old friends, indulging in a wonderful Thanksgiving day tradition. No I'm not talking about the Macy's Parade. I'm talking about the National Dog Show of course! English bulldogs are one of my fav breeds.


Jebus, how can you resist! Anyway, I hope everyone is enjoying their day with family and friends! I'm going to eat too much, drink too much, pass out, and then head to Seattle tomorrow for a pre-birthday celebration. I hope everyone else is planning on doing the same.

How Agrado Spent Her Weekend

Hmm...well, let's see. First, I caught up on ANTM and watched the season (excuse me, Cycle) 11 finale. It was pretty boring and I was never a huge fan of McKey. She's pretty and all but her smile, it's so big! And this is from a person who was called Jokerface when she was little! But seriously, McKey's takes up about half her face. I was always a Sheena fan and even though Elina was annoying as shit with her whole "I'm European that's why I'm weird" thing, I still thought she was the prettiest. But I know ANTM is not about producing actual top models and more about Tyra Banks, and I don't need to re-hash that whole deal. The best IM conversation about Tyra and the finale was had between the Fug Girls. I'm so using cramazing on a regular basis.

Then I spent a lot of time catching up on the youtubes (watching the Office, catching up on the Shiba Inus, watching the cat ride the roomba...). I was also reminded of this amazing video from years past. My nerdy group of friends from college quoted this short little video approximately 3.4 million times a week. (Cause we're consumer whores. And how!)



Then after perusing through my google reader and finding out Noah's Arc is now a movie (why didn't anyone tell me!!?? And why isn't it in Portland!!??), I killed even more time looking through the collection of pictures that Life has put online and made available to everyone via the magical searchitude of Google. Omg this is brilliantly awesome. Sooooo maaaannnnyyy piiiiccctttuuurrreeess. It was hard for me to choose just a few to post. I decided to stick to cute animal ones and not even include an awesome picture of Pablo Picasso sitting in his house with no pants on. Cause that's how the guy rolls! (And really, who wouldn't? Pants are so overrated.) They may be the shortest shorts ever, but I'll still pretend that Picasso sat around with no pants on. It's totes cramazing! Ok I'll link to it. But back to the animals.
Type in "cute animals" and you get this

That cheetah is 40 years old and sticking his tongue out at you!

Search for 'pets' and you get 12 pages of old black and white pictures of cute animals and their owners. Including loads of pictures of Blondie the lion who lived with a family in the UK in the 50s. Very reminiscent of Christian the lion, without the luxury of having someone put a Whitney Houston song to his story.


Hey! Did you know that pandas were cute, even back in 1901!!

19motherfuckin01 y'all.

Yea so that's how I spent a lot of my weekend. That and kicking some major ass at trivia down at the Goodfoot. My team is pretty much awesome all of the time.

Phew! This post was tiring. At least this is a short week for Thanksgiving. And then next week is my birthday! What should I do to celebrate?!

"We said Meh. M-E-H. Meh."

I am a huge fan of new words, shortened words, throwing -tastic at the end of anything to make an adjective, misusing suffixes and prefixes, and even occasionally mixing 2 languages for new words (like saying boozeria for the liquor store, or xingqiFriday for the day of the week). We've all heard strategery, lolz, frienemies, blergh, and so on.

So I was happy to read that meh is now official. I use this word all the time to express indifference, or if I'm trying to be polite when I don't like something and instead of saying it's terrible, I can say it's just meh. I never really thought about it not being an actual word or that people wouldn't understand what I was saying. Americans (and generally, English speakers), even if they have never seen The Simpsons, can usually deduce the meaning from the dismissive tone or the shrug of shoulders. One day when I was in Beijing, I was in a taxi with my then-bf, who's from from the mainland. He asked my opinion about something and since I didn't really care for it one way or another, I said meh. Him not being a native English speaker, and definitely not an avid watcher of the Simpsons, just looked at me with a confused face and said "what?" I said, "Meh. m-e-h. meh." (As if quoting the episode would clarify the situation or perhaps make him appreciate my wittiness...) He responded "I don't know that word. What does it mean?" After a few seconds of thought, I said it wasn't actually a word, that it was closer to slang, but that it meant indifferent. If you don't really like something but don't really hate it, it's meh.

It's a funny thing to explain slang to people who are learning your language as a second language. What was even more common was explaining how we use words in different ways than their intended meaning. For example, my roommate and co-worker in Beijing (who's American) and I both like to say 'that's so balls' when something sucks. Explaining that to non-English speakers is tricky. How do you explain that balls can be the equivalent to something being bad when balls are just things that you toss around in various sports (and that when we say something is balls cause it sucks, well we mean a different kind of ball)? Then I ran into the added difficulty that when I said it means "it sucks," many Chinese people had learned that that's a bad word. Fair enough, I mean, when I really think about it, it does make me giggle (I have the sense of humor of an 8 year old boy - omg! that internet quiz did figure me out!). But I've just used these phrases so much that I'm desensitized from their actual meanings. I hadn't had anyone be offended by 'that sucks' since my youngin days in Alabama, and even then I thought it was such a tame phrase. I guess I could've said it sucks like a vacuum cleaner or a black hole, but that doesn't really make sense. I think I ended up explaining that it's just not that bad (I mean, it's no "that's some motherfuckin bullshit" right?) Basically, that whole interchange just taught me that I need to not use slang phrases that involve male genitalia when talking to people who don't use slang.

Luckily meh is totally inoffensive and so easily rolls off the tongue when experiencing something mediocre that it was pretty easy to explain, and now at least one person in China is using meh the way the lord intended it.

The Internet Knows Agrado is an 8 Year Old Gay Boy

On Wonkette they linked to this site where you can find out the truth behind the writers of your favorite blogs (spoiler: they're all either majorly into porn or puppies!). So of course I typed in U.R. cause I'm a total sucker for anything that supposedly tells me more about myself. I got:

"The entertaining and friendly type. They are especially attuned to pleasure and beauty and like to fill their surroundings with soft fabrics, bright colors and sweet smells. They live in the present moment and don´t like to plan ahead - they are always in risk of exhausting themselves.

The enjoy work that makes them able to help other people in a concrete and visible way. They tend to avoid conflicts and rarely initiate confrontation - qualities that can make it hard for them in management positions."

Hmm...I like pretty soft things, I'm a horrible planner, and I seriously hate confrontation! I don't really risk putting myself in a hospital for exhaustion a la Lohan circa 2007 but yea, I live in the moment. Well played all-knowing intarweb jesus!

My fav part was this picture that accompanied my profile:

I mean, I probably have that outfit minus the fug boots and some red wine instead of champagne, but what's with the weird cat-face and missing arm and earrings that hang in your hair instead of your ears? I may be like a raver kid with my love of soft and shiny things and disinclination towards engaging in fisticuffs so I'll give the random intartubes quiz that much. And I may try and seduce you at a bar with my bedroom eyes if you work for OPB ::cough:: Casey Negreiff!::cough:: or resemble Jon Hamm or Barack Obama, but I will not do so by bringing you dead pets as presents or otherwise secretly plotting your demise.


Even more exciting is this other intarweb-jesus-looking-into-your-blogger-soul site that's a GenderAnalyzer. Mine is, get this, 69% male! A blog titled Unicorn Rainbows full of posts about random crushes on boys and cute animals is male! I'm pretty sure they were thinking of Shannon when they made this little analyzer thingie. If they were, then they are about 31% off. Aaaaand with that, I'm going to go take a nap under the unicorn falls.

Caramel Marshmallow Clouds of Puffiness

I know everyone on the intarwebs has seen this, but just to thoroughly saturate and spread the cute to all possible viewers, I have to post it. It's my puppy-biological-clock ticking crazy loud.

“I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out.”

Had cancer not prematurely taken him in 1994, I am pretty sure Bill Hicks would've imploded from the overwhelming stupid of George W. Bush somewhere around, oh 2002. I still find him hilarious and relevant today, 14 years after he passed on. I guess I just relate to his righteous indignation. And really, some things haven't changed from 1992 to 2008. Oh Bill would've had such a field day with Sarah Palin.



"You believe the world is 12,000 years old?
That's right.
Ok, I got one word to ask you. A one word question. Ready?
Uh-huh.
Dinosaurs."

Whenever I'm feeling down or just generally want a good laugh, Bill never fails me.

Teh Hotness

Taken from a benefit for the Spina Bifida Association.
Here is an ok video of the roast. It's a bit shaky and I'd really love to see more reactions (like Dana Perino's!) so I hope a better version comes out soon, but it's worth a watch. Oh Rahm...you're so dreamy...

Random Memory Triggers

So supposedly in Tokyo, on the Yamanote line of the subway, each stop has its own background music to listen to while you wait on the platform. Logically, some Japanese company came up with this little piggy bank that plays those subway tunes when you put money in it.



This reminded me of Beijing, where every 7-11 has the exact same 20 second tune that plays over and over again, all day long. In every store. It was a tune that I'd get stuck in my head and not even know where it came from. I once was hanging around with a good friend and he randomly started humming the tune, then I started humming the tune and we both were like "what's that from!?" It was so embedded in our minds from too many trips to the 7-11 (it's different in China...) that we didn't even consciously know where it came from.

But back to the Tokyo train - and there is a tenuous connection in my head between the two - I just love living in cities full of seemingly afterthought details. While I'm sure there was a group of people that made the decision to have different little jingles at each stop for this line of the subway, it's not an active advertising campaign as much as just a friendly mental reminder that "you're here!" The next stop will be a different friendly reminder that "hey, you're somewhere else now" (and of course, great for blind people!). How cool is that!? Such a tiny detail but when you live in a place where subways are so common that you spend hours, even days, of your life on them, it can be such a mental trigger. I'm sure that if I took the Yamanote train everyday, those little songs would become inextricable parts of my memory of them. And sure, if I had to work at a 7-11 in Beijing, that little 20 second jingle would probably drive me insane and haunt me in my sleep. But as a place I went to get Chinese hot dogs, bean paste buns, $.50 packs of cigs, and bottles of cheap Great Wall red wine, it was a delightful and tiny little jingle of familiarity. Often it's the little things that really make a place special for you as a resident of that place, not just as a tourist. Beijing has so many little things about it that I loved, and this video just triggered one miniscule random little piece of it.

(hat tip to TokyoMango)

Where Agrado goes Squeeeeeee over the Obamas

I just came back from my first ever book club meeting. I've always wanted to be in a book club and when my friend Elaine over at ICKH emailed me about starting one, I was all about it. Of course we ended up just talking about what's going on in everyone's lives and spent all of 3 1/2 minutes talking about the book we had chosen ("The Department of Lost & Found" by Allison Winn Scotch - it was ok. Not wonderful but an easy read. I found the main character annoying and unrelatable in a lot of ways, but moving on....), it was a lovely evening all around. We had originally scheduled our date for November 4th, forgetting for 3 seconds that it was election night, but we made a point to toast to the best news in the last decade. We talked about how hot Rahm Emanuel is (a topic which I think will be more thoroughly covered in a future blog post), and just how awesome the Obamas seem as a family and as a couple. This site really captures it. My fav pic is this one:

I can't think of a more genuinely happy and comfortable looking couple that is in the public sphere than the Obamas. They remind me of my parents. Their whole family dynamic is completely relatable. All of the pictures of their family just scream to me "Please reach into your computer screen and give me a big ol' hug full of happiness!"

I'm excited by the executive orders that Obama has planned, how much time and effort he's putting into his transition team, the set of brilliant advisors I'm sure he'll have, and I'm uncharacteristically optimistic about his chances at being successful policy-wise. But I also know that Democrats love to hate on Democrats, it's that whole self-deprecating thing we do, so I know there will be a lot of criticism of the Obama administration within 6 months of his inauguration. They'll bitch and moan about all the things he said he'd get done but can't get done in 10 days because even with the Executive and the Legislative branches controlled by Democrats, we still have 8 years of shit to fix. That's a lot of shit. But it's inevitable and the Democrats will be angry and the hopegasm will eventually be over. I know Obama is not Cheesus and he does not perform miracles. Despite that I still feel excited about his family being "the first family" and what that means for Americans. Even if he ends up falling short of his expectations, I can't imagine not feeling the giddyness I feel everytime I see the Obamas as a family. Barack's story is so quintessentially American, Mark Twain couldn't have written a better story if he tried.

Shameless Pet Promotion

Inspired by the most important news story of the coming weeks (yes, of course I mean the choosing of the next first pet(s) to join the Obamas in the White House), I want to share some stories of some awesome rescue animals.

When it comes to pets (especially dogs, but cats too), I'm like some women are with babies. I freak out a little. Like I have to have one RIGHT NOW!! I talk to random people's dogs on the street without saying anything to their owners. When I'm alone with animals, I constantly talk to them as if they could hear or understand me. CuteOverload and the Daily Puppy make me squeal like a tween watching the Jonas Brothers.

I plan on getting a dog soon. I already have a name picked out! Sprinkles! But being a relatively rational person, I know that since I'm not home very often and I don't have a lot of money, I should wait a bit before getting him/her. But that doesn't keep me from living vicariously through other people's pets. Like these proshes (who'll probably make many appearances here on U.R.)




They are gay brothers who almost got smashed to death by construction workers when they were wee little kitties. The one on the left is really fat and lazy, but gets possessed by spirits about once a day, while the one on the right sleeps with one eye open. Since I'm allergic to cats, they often make me sound like Bea Arthur when I've been hanging out with them too much, but they are worth it.

This delightful puppeh was found when he was also a weee little thing chained up in a backyard. He was sneakily nabbed by crafty ninjas from owners who didn't care about him and didn't want him. He could've grown up to become a mean fighty dog but he is now the sweetest thing on four legs. Those wrinkles on his forehead means he's thinking! He usually has to think real hard cause he's a little special.


And this guy below came from a racetrack. He raced for 5 years before he got his forever home. Now he is playing happily up in dog heaven after 8 years of fun home life where he got to run in the backyard, sleep for 14 hours a day, and occasionally get spoiled (and fat! though you can't tell by that slender face) with people food.


The above wonderful pets at some point didn't have a home (or had a really crappy one) And we all know there are tons of unwanted puppehs and kittehs all over the place. For those like me who want a dog but can't have one for one reason or another, you can sponsor some lovely pets until they get a forever home at Best Friends Animal Society (I love them cause they take in the neediest of animals) and your local humane society. Or you can contribute to the AFDSF (Agrado's Future Dog Sprinkles Fund). I take cash and Paypal.

My Silly Casey Negreiff Story

Yes I have one.

I have not been a long time OPB (Oregon Public Broadcasting, for those not in-the-know) listener. While I totally love and respect the NPR enterprise, I’d rather rock out to my decidedly 2006 playlist than be reminded of the financial crisis and how much I hate George Bush’s voice. I am a huge fan of driving only because I love to sing along to any and everything that I know the lyrics to. So when my car’s CD player died for good about 3 months ago, OPB was my go-to in the morning. When the only other choices are horribly annoying loud offensive sexist douchebags, ‘Morning Edition’ was an easy choice. I am now completely addicted to my morning dose of perfectly unbiased, thoughtful news while I drive to work. This is how I first became familiar with Caseina Griff. Not only does he have the calm, academic voice that I imagine is accompanied by a geeky-sexy intellectual personality and nerd glasses, but he has the strangest name ever! Everyday I would wonder how he spelled his name (is it Caseyna? Caseina? Caseena? I was leaning towards Caseina), where it came from, if other people thought it was strange. My first thought (and I’m pretty sure I’m the only person that has ever made this connection) was of that 70s movie with David Carradine and Sylvester Stallone, “Death Race 2000,” that takes place in a dystopian future (2000!) with no values or respect for human life and the ultimate entertainment is watching cars run down old people and babies. Anyone remember this? No? Eh. Anyway, while this is all going on, an underground movement is trying to stage a revolution. A delightfully crappy story of American values blah blah blah, but the leader is one Thomasina Paine, related to Thomas (with the cleverly chick-ified name!)*. So literally, my first thought after hearing Caseina Griff’s name was “hmm…I wonder if this is like "Thomasina Paine" and some odd attempt at changing a name to be more feminine. But he's obvs a guy, so maybe his parents wanted to shirk gender rules and instead of just naming him Casey, they’ll name him Caseina, as in a distinctly feminine Casey, but he’s a boy!” Seriously. That stupidly complicated thought process went through my head the first time I heard Casey Negreiff’s name.

The other day I was at my bff’s house and we were talking about public radio personalities and how we both imagine that all of the hosts on NPR/OPB must be incredibly attractive (::ahem:: Ira Glass!) with such powerfully soothing voices. My bestie wanted to know what Kristian Foden-Vencil looked like and while I was scrolling through the other hosts, I discovered the truth of Caseina Griff. Casey. Negreiff. Well no shit Agrado.

Now I can't help but laugh at how arbitrary and random my thought process is every time I hear his name. At least I was right about the nerd glasses.

And just to throw it out there, Casey Negreiff, if you ever google your name and come across this post, I’m totes available, allergic to cats, and love cooking. Unless of course, working for public radio precludes you from hanging out with people who say 'totes' and 'obvs.'

*Ha, I just wiki’d this movie and found this line: “Disruption of the race by the resistance is blamed on the French by the state, who are also blamed for ruining the country's economy and telephone system.” ::shakes fist at France:: The French! Why must they ruin everything! Including our telephone system!

Even the Cats Go For Him