Unicorn Rainbows!

Moving on to other Internet Trendy Blogging Thingies

2011-04-23T13:45:00.000-07:00

So it turns out I rarely have the inspiration to write what I consider a blog-length post. However I often see things I'd like to share with the 8 people who read this and it's just a short thought, picture, or video. Keeping up with my habit of being years behind internet trends, I've finally discovered what a tumblr is and realized it is perfect for just such a thing! It's like a blog, but shorter! 5 years later than everyone else who's discovered tumblr, here is mine:

Stuff on My Dog

First it was just stuff on my dog, but then I realized I don't have quite enough content to fill that (which is a bit surprising if you know me). So now it's stuff on my dog, dog on my stuff and more! Joe and Torque have already made their tumblr debuts and I'm pretty sure all the animals will be tumblr stars sooner or later. Weeeeee!

On Peens and Boxes of Cookies

2010-12-01T19:00:00.000-08:00

It's been oh so long since I've posted anything on this here bloggity blog. I've been working and keeping busy. The job is pretty great in terms of having time outside of work to have a life, go to yoga, go to trivia, bake food, and watch movies with Stanley Tucci in them on my instant Netflix.

Lots has happened in the last 6 months, including a cross-country trip to an amazing wedding in Pennsylvania, a girls' weekend in Seattle, and a short-lived but intense romance. You may be wondering what has inspired me to get back on the blogging horse. It must be something huge right?! Obvs.
The other day I was riding in the car with Kerry en route to see Burlesque and we heard the most amazingly inappropriate song. It is called "Shake" and it is a song about a girl who is addicted to the singer's peen. Like, asking for re-ups (a phrase my whitey self has only heard on The Wire) and getting physical withdrawals without his box of cookies (a euphemism for penis you should know after watching Burlesque, an amazing movie worthy of its own blog post). Seriously. Here are some of the lyrics:
"I got her number
We started chillin'
We started buzzin'
And got addicted
Now I, I'm the one she can't live without
I bet that's her right now

Shorty hitting me up
Says she wanna re-up
Knows I got the best in town
Cuz when she get the shivers
She nows that I delivered
I'm the one who holds her down

...

One day she started texting me
Asking if she coulda borrow that recipe
I told her, loving you is my speciality
She said, well, give it up, up, give it up, up"

We had initially chalked it up to the Biebs cause it sounded just like our favorite Canadian pre-pubescent YouTube star. (I apologize in advance for besmirching his good name in my mind). It's a young lad named Jesse McCartney who just sounds like the fabulously coiffed superstar but we should've known such innocence would never compare his own penis to crack.

It's not that I'm a prude or anything. I've been known to rock out to Teaches of Peaches or Avenue D, but they don't try to come off as teeny-boppers on the radio who just graduated from the Mickey Mouse Club though amiright? Perhaps I'm just getting old and all Helen Lovejoy on everyone.

Nah, i don't really care. Let the kiddies compare their junk to crack. I will secretly love it and listen to it. And speaking of getting old, today is my birfday! Hottness. It's been pretty rad. Got messages from friends from all corners of the globe, had a nice lunch with co-workers and am about to have dinner with some of my fav ladyfriends. This weekend I'm having a bday party at the Hop and Vine. This birthday has been so much better than last year for many reasons, not the least of which is no longer working at a job that I hate and leeches away at my soul. Of course my family and friends also make me feel like this pretty much all the time so that helps too.

MegaMosquitrons

2010-06-27T12:55:00.000-07:00

I'm still working on the name but I have a great idea for a SyFy movie. I've been watching a couple world cup matches since it's one of the only sports I can actually sit through. I know that vuvuzelas have been the subject of many a "wtf is that!?" and "cheesus that's so annoying!" stories. My first thought when I heard them was "jesus are there massive insects floating around the world cup stadium!" Hence, MegaMosquitrons (or maybe "MegaMansquitos?")

The premise will be something along the lines of a sexy female researcher (Debbie Gibson and Tiffany seem to be busy making Mega Python v. Gatoroid, my vote: Monica) doing experiments on some non-specific disease spread by mosquitoes. Then something goes horribly wrong and the mosquitoes are accidentally injected with some huge growth DNA, start growing at a monumental pace, and bust out to terrorize the locals.

Surprisingly there are not many pictures of Monica wearing nerd glasses and a lab coat. But just picture her in front of a microscope, taking notes, and speaking very seriously about nucleotides and protein strands.

They megamosquitoes (gigantormosquitoes?) look like this, except about 2358 times bigger.

There will also have to be some secondary love plot with a sexy law enforcement official or maybe a CDC guy worried about diseases or an overzealous entomologist. It's still a work in progress but you get my drift. I think the ultimate showdown would be at a soccer match and there would be many scenes of angry soccer fans looking around wondering who the assholes with vuvuzelas are and then BAM! they'll look up and be attacked by gigantic mosquitoes!

I'll be accepting that emmy nomination any day now.

Foodz and Movie Reviews

2010-06-22T19:53:00.000-07:00

Hey there! Long time no see. It's been forevs. A lot has been going on here, what with my crazy busy life and all.

UPDATE: I figured out how to add .gifs to this thing! I feel so internet saavy.

Eh not really. I did make it out to Poland for an awesome wedding where I drank and danced and ate a lot, including this meat in aspic dish. It's not just a Julia Child favorite! I also tried Polish moonshine and had roughly 72635 shots of vodka over the course of the week.

I stopped by Prague on the way home and ran around the city with a wonderfully delightful host who has more energy in a day than I do in 2 weeks. Here's just one of the many shots I took of the city.

Besides that I've been catching up on my Netflix queue (including Waiting for God and Party Down), hanging out with Maude, and eating a lot of great meals with friends. The neatest was a summer solstice bbq that involved an entire pig.

That picture not good enough? Oh excuse me. Here's a better one.

Hopefully that fulfills your close-up-charred-pig-carcass viewing quota for the day.

The only other thing I have to share for now is the internet's newest and bestest blog, KT is en route to become the queen of trivia. I would highly recommend giving yourself at least an entire afternoon to digest and process the brilliance of her movie reviews. About "Major League":

"Anyway, I am not sure what I am supposed to write, but I should start by saying it was funny. Though it was not funnier than...(pausing to think about the name of the movie)...(still pausing because I can't remember)... anyway, it was not funnier than the movie I watched two weekends ago with the guy with gray hair who looks like the guy who was in another movie with gray hair with a really tall or long nose. I don't know his name or the other guy's name. I've seen the other guy with the tall nose more on tv than the guy in the movie I saw two weekends ago."

I'm just saying Roger Ebert better watch his fucking back.

OH and I almost forgot. I got an actual jobby job with benies and regular hours and a regular paycheck! Pretty soon I will be buying Maude a outfit that resembles this detailed rendering of what rich dogs wear.

How dapper!

Awesome Movie Night

2010-04-10T23:38:00.000-07:00

I had a really nice night on Friday. I got together with a couple of my WineBookClub friends, caught up over apps and wine, and watched some Glee. My WBC ladies are awesome for realz. Then I celebrated Suji's birthday at the XV, which I hadn't been to in many years. This old lady stayed out after midnight! So today I've had a much chiller day at home. Thought about going out for another friend's bday but decided to just take it easy. And boy am I glad I stayed in! If not, I probably would've never found out that Debbie "electric youth" Gibson has a very accomplished acting career, as evidenced in the groundbreaking "Mega Shark vs. Giant Octupus."

That, my friends, is a picture of a shark attacking an airplane. The acting is atrocious, the effects are laughable, and with lines like "Don't love the ocean too much. It doesn't love you back!" you know this film was totally robbed of an Oscar nomination last year. Those elitist bastards.

Before that, I got to watch one of my favorite movies when measuring by quotability. I'm talking about The Heathers of course.

"Dear Diary, my teen-angst bullshit now has a body count." "She's my best friend. God I hate her." Such a classic.

Bluffin Muffins

2010-02-25T19:43:00.000-08:00

The last two days I've been baking some fuckin muffins.

The first day, we made this recipe from Smitten Kitchen and they were good but not particularly flavorful.

My main contribution, as is usually the case, is chopping stuff. This time I got to chop some roasted walnuts. I also made the creamy ricotta cheese/sour cream filling but that only consisted of putting the two in a bowl and mixing. Nothing too fancy.

Today Kerry had the good idea of sassing the recipe up a bit with some orange zest and honey in the filling and some vanilla bean in the muffin mix. They turned out awesome.

So I need some inspiration for things to do this weekend and next week. Anything that requires me leaving the house and that isn't very expensive. I'm feeling a bit stir crazy staying in all day (I took Maude on 3 walks today!) but I don't just wanna go to a coffee shop for the sake of leaving the house (cause those lattes add up.) Any ideas besides getting fat off of baked goods?

Moneez!

2010-02-25T09:28:00.000-08:00

This has been quite the week for winning at bar games! As I mentioned earlier this week, we hit up the bingo on Monday night instead of the regular Bachelor + dinner evening since there was some boring reunion where one of the ladies tried to malign Chris Harrison's reputation (doesn't she know that every time someone hurts Chris Harrison's feelings, a puppy dies?) The grand finale is next week. Will it be Tenley or Vienna? (or will Ali come back in a not-shocking SHOCKING twist?!) The gossip mags never even talk about Tenley so my money is on Vienna, though sadly she is not in my bracket anymore, so I guess I can't put my money on it.

Anyway, to get back to bar winnings - Kathryn totally kicked ass at Bingo and won the 1st round. It cost $1 per board and all the money was put in a jar, so when Kathryn won, the bingo announcer poured all the money on her head! It was raining dollar billz!

To be fair, the picture doesn't quite capture the moment. Kathryn's reaction was a bit more like this:

It was an exciting night and though no one at our table won the 2nd round, we did get a round of margaritas and a delicious biscuit.

Last night we went to Thirsty Lion for a young lawyers schmoozy networking event that was followed by their pub trivia. We were #1 the entire way through until the very last round where we underestimated ourselves and didn't bid enough in the "final jeopardy" type bidding round. We still got 2nd though and won $60 and a bottle of champagne.

It wasn't enough to rain money but it was just enough to make a cash fan. I'm taking those $1s and hitting the strip club*!

*Not really. Drag show? Maybe.

Yummies

2010-02-22T15:02:00.000-08:00

I've had a crazy whirlwind day today, including a visit to the Kinko's to fax a form to my loan peeps so I don't have to pay my student loans for awhile and a couple games of knock-off Settlers of Catan (called Xplorers) which a FB friend introduced me to. Now I'm at the Extracto coffeehouse on Killingsworth finishing up a pro bono project I started on Friday (yes, Agrado has a heart of gold y'all). But I had to stop and tell my 3 readers that they must get here to try the marionberry cheesecake bar post haste! That + an IZZE drink (which I've never had before but now I'm a convert) has been the perfect mid-day snack.

After I'm done with this, I think I'll get back to my hectic schedule of

and maybe a little of

Oh! And I'm going to play Bingo with Kathryn and Kerry and a bunch of other people tonight! I'm hoping there will be plenty of hipster old ladies there. I never win at games of chance but at least it requires leaving the house.

Glambert & Weir

2010-02-16T21:07:00.000-08:00

My two new favorite things (and also a good name for a law firm - Glambert & Weir LLP?)

I didn't watch the season of American Idol that Glambert was on but his new album is amazing. It's such a wonderful dancey pop sensation. It's been an inspiration every time I put it in my CD player (yea I know...way to be a luddite about technology. As soon as I get another job, I'll get another ipod!).

Isn't this the most glamazing (glamorous + amazing!) album cover ever?! The hot new dance song of 2010 will totally be "If I Had You." You heard it here first.

And my other favorite glamazing person is Johnny Weir. If you follow my buzz or twitters or facebooks, you probs already know about how our house has basically turned into Casa Weir. Can't get enough.

His show on Sundance, Be Good Johnny Weir, follows him and his cadre of Russian trainers and fabulous outfits. It's worth getting the super special cable for (that, and Logo for RuPaul's Drag Race).

In other random happenings, I've been getting a lot of books out of the library since I have free time and no money and love to read. Those in Portland know how awesome the Multnomah County system is. Last week I found someone's old "to do" list in my copy of "The Left Hand of Darkness." Someone had to pick Bill up from the airport at 4:30. Today I found a temporary tattoo in my copy of "Cycler" and another "to do" list. On the back of this to do list (which included turning on the straightner and doing makeup) was a convo between 2 girls about how one of them 'did it' with Brent last night at the CYO dance! OMG No Way!

I've seen on Oprah et. al. all about how kids these days are into rainbow parties and sexting and stuff. OMG!1!!TehChildrunz! I'm glad that they're still actually just hooking up and writing notes to each other about it.

Never Gonna Get It

2010-02-15T19:12:00.000-08:00

Lately, I've had many discussions with Kerry about that horrible David Guetta/Akon song "Sexy Bitch," (He's TRYING to not be disrespectful. But these bitches! It's just too hard sometimes!) and the New Boyz/Ray J song "Tie Me Down" about how he likes having sex with this girl but: "There's too much girls and I ain't lettin go, Cause my life is great, And you ain't nothing but a hoe"
And his excuse is: "Ay yea you know I'm a man, And I have no feelings"

There's some other song about a guy who asks this woman he was interested in if he could "visit her at work" so he could see her "slide up the pole with no panties and no shirt.

That's exactly how I feel baby meerkat! Sheesh! It makes this pop music-fan wonder what the eff these guys are thinking? Don't these men have any women in their lives at all? It makes me grateful for all the Lady Gagas and the Beyonces in the world to counter all the terrible misogynist bullshit. It's not all horribly offensive out there! When the mainstream pop-hip hop world has you down, I like to throw on one of these never-fail classics:

This song has my favorite back up vocals ever. "I'm a survivor (what!)/I'm not gonna give up (what!)/I'm not gonna stop (what!)/I'm gonna work harder (what!)." Here I must shout-out to Kim, one of my high school bffs. We used to car-sing the shit out of this song back in the day.
See also: Independent Woman

Also recommended: Shoop

Can't Hold Us Down - Christina feat. Lil' Kim

What am I forgetting? Now I'm off to Katherine's for some steak, potatoes, and Jake the Bachelor. It's the fantasy suites episode!

All my life, I've been waiting/Pass my time, procrastinating now

2010-02-13T23:03:00.000-08:00

I've been saying to myself for the last month that one of these days I'll blog again. And I don't really have a good excuse not to now that I'm unemployed but then Kerry gets the complete DVD set of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and there go a few weeks. Or I rejoin Netflix and now they have the instant watch feature and it turns out I missed a lot of 30 Rock season 3 so I guess I should just re-watch the whole season again. And they have Howard the Duck on their instant queue list, which was one of my favorite movies when I was little so I had to watch that.

Yes that is Lea Thompson. Other before-they-were-famous stars of this George Lucas disaster are Tim Robbins and Jeffrey Jones. Turns out I had terrible taste in movies as a child and it's the most boring (and MEGA-creepy) movie ever. Who knew? I bet Mac & Me is still good though, right?

There's no way this is boring or creepy, contrary to how I remember it as a movie that I made my parents rent 10 times. (I wonder why I loved movies about outer space aliens/animals?)

It's been kind of a crazy and stressful last few months for me. My job was getting increasingly insane and stupidly stupid and there wasn't a day that I came home not totally angry and upset at the situation. Things finally worked themselves out in early January and I am now living off the dole. Unemployment is a nice buffer that keeps me from totally freaking out about having no money but it's not so much that I don't regularly have mini panic attacks about getting a job.

Besides work, Christmas was awesome. I went home to see my parents and sister and her dogs and we had an awesome time.

Maude is still doing great, though since New Year's Eve we have been to the vet 3 times, once for a mild paw sprain after Portland's Snowpacalpyse 2009

and twice for what is probably allergies. Now I have to put drops in her eyes 3 times a day and wipe down her paws with these little paw-wipes so she doesn't lick them all the time. I'm glad Maude got the memo that my income has been cut to a quarter of what it was a few weeks ago.

Hmm, guess she doesn't really care that much!

Also 20 million points to whoever knows the song that I got my post title from (without Googling it cheaters!)

Things I'm Obsessed With.

2009-11-18T21:53:00.000-08:00

More accurately, videos i've watched a trillion times in the last few weeks.

First up, this guy brought narwals in existence. Without his photography skillz, we'd never know such magical animals existed. In a way, he's like a god to the narwals. He has this super neato story about an elephant seal who felt bad for him being a completely useless predator.

These next 2 are like communion (wafer + wine!) at the Church of Sagan. And it includes Neil deGrasse Tyson, who is the shit.

Finally, you know me and how I gots to include the cute animal videos.

WANT! Like seriously. A domesticated otter would be a perfect playmate for Maude.

Also non-video things to add: Glee, the upcoming New Moon premiere, my book club with a wine problem, Bea Arthur, animals in costumes, Barney Frank, and playing Farmville on FB (ugh, i know...lame!).

Irresponsible Branding?

2009-10-11T19:15:00.001-07:00

I think I'm gonna start cutting myself just so I can use these band-aids.

ORLY is Back!

2009-09-20T11:01:00.000-07:00

Apropos to my last post, a judge in Georgia just struck down my favorite true-life-lolowl Orly Taitz. My definite favorite part, besides the "you're dumber than a middle schooler" burn, was the revelation that Orly Taitz used an AOL poll as evidence. What won't this woman try!? I think I will take her lead and start running my own internet polls before I need to get contracts signed.

Exhibit A - Internet Poll Results

It was conclusively found that 94.5% of the polled public prefers Party A and their counsel Agrado, Esq., as having far superior skills in general likeability, knowledge of the LOLCAT dialect, a high level of competence in Blingee-creation and finding cute animal pictures. Party B is made of fail and no one likes them. This poll result is conclusive evidence of Party A and Agrado's superiority in all things, both unicorn and non-unicorn related.

And then I would attach this picture (courtesy of Julia Segal's funny funny site) as Exhibit B

And then I would win everything forever.

Orly Taitz

2009-08-04T21:28:00.001-07:00

I'm convinced Orly Taitz is an actress, a secret liberal who's plan is to show how craaazy these birther wingnuts are.

Exhibit #1

And Then There's Maude

2009-05-02T15:34:00.000-07:00

As I mentioned earlier this week, I've got a new schmooky poo face all my own. Her name is Maude (the old compromisin, enterprisin' anything but traqulizin' Right on Maude!). I did consider getting a little pit bull mix but when we went to the shelter to check out puppehs, Maude was it.

She's amazing. She loves walks, cheese, and cat food. Her dislikes include being left alone and not being able to play with the cats. I hosted wine club this weekend (which was totes fab, as always) and she did great with all our guests. It was hard the first few days leaving her when I went to work but she's ok with her crate. I know she doesn't love it but she doesn't totally hate it and cries only a little. Now we're gonna enjoy the rest of our Saturday out of this crazy effin' rain and hail watching some crappy TV. And maybe some napping.

Finally!

2009-04-28T23:19:00.001-07:00

It's been almost a month of quiet here in Unicorn Rainbow land. But soooooo much has happened y'all. April was a pretty amazing month. As I mentioned earlier, I was off to the homeland to see the fam a couple weeks ago. It was a great trip and Warsaw was awesome. We had perfect weather and I ate lots of delicious food.

This was my Easter plate. I literally ate pate everyday I was there. Sooooooo goooood

These are Polish doughnuts from Blikle. Orange rinds on top and a rose petal sauce filling give it that extra special yum.

And one of my favorite things to do in Warsaw is go to the Old Town square and get a beer and ice cream. Though my mom looks unhappy with her soup, it was actually delicious and she loved it.

Overall it was a great trip. I loved seeing my parents and spending time with my grandparents, cousins, aunt and uncle. It was sad to leave them all but life awaits back in Portland.

Another big piece of news for this month is that I finally got a dog! My almost 2 years in planning plan has finally happened! I am officially a dog owner. And she's the best dog I could've ever imagined. She's sweet and loves to cuddle, loves her walks but when she's not walking, she'd rather be on the couch sleeping. She hasn't become friends with the cats yet cause they just want none of it but I am sure they will warm up to her soon.

I've been a terrible mom and not taken many pictures. She is fuckin adorable, especially when you hold her like a baby and she falls asleep but it's hard to take a good picture when you've got a puppeh in your arms! Her name is Maude, after the late great Bea Arthur who passed away the day that I got her. She's about a year old, maybe 1 1/2. She is the best. Here is a picture of her from the shelter web site. As you'll see, we changed her name but I don't think she cares at all. Anyway, I have to get to bed so I can get up early for our walk. Weeeee! More pictures to come. Also, tomorrow is our wine club with a book problem! Double weeee! Now if only work didn't suck a lot, all would be well. Until next time, you can watch this video of a sleeping corgi (Maude is part corgi, part rat terrier (we think)).

Insert Polish Joke Here

2009-04-03T07:20:00.000-07:00

Just kidding. Don't. I hate those jokes.

I'm heading out to the homeland for a week or so to see the fam in Warsaw. Last time I went was 4 years ago so I'm looking forward to it. My grandparents don't have the internetz so I will only occasionally be checking email and what not from the crappy internet cafe by my grandma's house. I'll also be eating delicious Polish sausage and pierogi while drinking vodka and bringing down communism. Good times! I'm coming back the day after Easter so I hope I don't get a bucket of water poured on my head on the way to the airport. That would be teh suck. Ok I'm off!

Here's a Post...about Stuff..and some other stuff...

2009-03-23T21:55:00.000-07:00

Contrary to my crappy blogging record, I do in fact think about rainbows and unicorns and unicorn rainbows often. I'm always hoping I get inspiration for a full blog post (and tonight's Drag Race finale + reunion special is sure to inspire). Speaking of which, my bestie from college was up here this weekend with her man friend and we had a great weekend browsing through Powell's, eating amazing doughnuts with bacon on them, winning $ on the Oregon lotto scratchies at the boozeria, and watching the entire season of Drag Race (thanks Logo marathon!). I had "The Greatest Love of All" stuck in my head for most of today and I had to fight the urge to yell "extravaganza eleganza!," "camerooooon!" and saying "loca don't touch my mangoes loca!" It was hard, but I held it in till I got home.

I want to listen to books on tape read by Ms. Nina Flowers. Team Nina for the win!

Aaaaanyway, lately, beyond Drag Race and the cats, I have not been very inspired. I've gone through my p.b.p. tag on my google reader (possible blog posts) in case I had tagged something for later and forgot about it. Turns out when I read the internetz late at night after a few glasses of wine I like really silly shit.

Like mutant rodents:

Or random ads about delicious food staples:

Yeesh! For some reason I guess I just think these will perfectly accompany some random story about something silly. But really, what could I possibly write about where anthropomorphous food will be applicable? Giant rodents maybe, but a cheeseheaded man? I highly doubt it.

But as long as I just keep this in mind, I think I'll be ok.

Thanks gay rainbow superhero man. I do believe in myself.

Gettin all cat lady on you

2009-03-15T23:05:00.000-07:00

The last 2 weeks have been quite the moving party (hence the lack of posting). As an unwritten rule, I move at least once a year. I've been squatting at a friend's house for the past 8 months so I was ready to move in somewhere that's not just my friend's room, but my bed, my books, and my (albeit crappy) furniture. I moved to NE Portland with the bestie and it's fab fab fab. My new house also comes with 2 kitties and we had a fun animal hospital visit already. Little Joseph Stalin had a rough transition from his old house to here and stuck himself up in the ceiling of the basement of his old house. During his adventure, we suspect he got his face in some fiberglass insulation and ended up with a weird puncture-wound-looking cut on his cheek. Last Saturday it looked like not a big deal but Sunday it was bleeding and not so pretty so we went over to Dove Lewis (which is definitely a god send for pet emergencies, not like this one was, but I'm glad it's there) and Joe ended up with this fine looking accessory.

Needless to say, he LOVED his new astronaut look. But after a week of antibiotics and confusion when his plastic necklace hit things like the wall or the couch, he's mostly better now. It's scabbed over nicely and he's not scratching it. And just so I don't leave Torque out, here's a video of him doing some sit-ups while we were watching The Office last week.

Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve, and Talent

2009-03-03T00:01:00.000-08:00

I started a post about Drag Race last week before I moved to my fab new house:

"I posted about Drag Race a few weeks ago, and don't think I've forgotten about it! The wonders of the internet and Logo mean I get to watch it every week despite me not having a TV or cable. And I've got some favorites I want to share.

Ongina is the cutest Filipina ever to fierce her way down a catwalk. Bebe Zahara is 10 kinds of fabulous and Nina Flowers..oh Nina. I'm sorry I ever doubted you."

My fab new house comes with supermega cable that includes Bravo, Fox Reality Show Network, Fine Living Network, National Geographic Channel (yay Dog Whisperer!!!) and Logo. I just watched the new episode of Drag Race and ::major spoiler alert:: I am so disappointed that Ru kicked Ongina off!! WTF?! She was one of the best. This is just like when Austin Scarlett got auf'd from Proj Run. Rebecca Glasscock is Drag Race's Wendy Pepper.

You were too good for reality tv.

I would write more about this unfairness but it's late and I have to go to bed. It's been a long weekend of moving and shizz but hopefully I'll have some fun pictures from my new place (I'm trying to get one of the cats while they're still confused as to why I'm around more. Their wtf face is adorbs!) Till then cuddle up with an owl that's cuddling up with a fake owl.

I know how you feel little guy. The world is cruel.

The Not-State-of-the-Union

2009-02-24T21:47:00.000-08:00

I have to admit. Political speeches just aren't as funny anymore. No new words, no gross mispronunciations, no vague and unsubstantiated threats from things like human animal hybrids. I still remember a time when one could finish off 4, maybe 5 beers in roughly an hour, just from George Bush saying the word "terrorism." Luckily for the country (and my liver) those days are over. Obama's speech was like his previous, well-prepared speeches. Awesome, thoughtful, and leaves little room for disappointment.

Luckily, we still have the Republican response. That's where Bobby "the excorcist" Jindal comes in! Besides making fun of light rail and bringing up Katrina (seriously, why would a Republican even bring up that colossal Republican failure?), didn't he sound suspiciously (and hilariously) like Kenneth from 30 Rock? Just picture it...

"During Katrina, I visited Sheriff Harry Lee, a Democrat and a good friend of mine. When I walked into his makeshift office I'd never seen him so angry. He was yelling into the phone: 'Well, I'm the Sheriff and if you don't like it you can come and arrest me!' I asked him: 'Sheriff, what's got you so mad?' He told me that he had put out a call for volunteers to come with their boats to rescue people who were trapped on their rooftops by the floodwaters. The boats were all lined up ready to go -- when some bureaucrat showed up and told them they couldn't go out on the water unless they had proof of insurance and registration. I told him, 'Sheriff, that's ridiculous.' And before I knew it, he was yelling into the phone: 'Congressman Jindal is here, and he says you can come and arrest him too!' Harry just told the boaters to ignore the bureaucrats and start rescuing people. "

Can't you just see Kenneth saying that! And the cartoonishness of that story convinced me that the evil bureaucrat looked something like this:

As he let out an evil guffaw before running off mumbling something about a mouse and squirrel.

I twittered the speech with my friend Julia (who, no joke, has Russian parents named Boris and Natasha) and I had a twitter-jinx with my friend Kim about how Bobby sounded just like everyone's favorite NBC page. Then I looked on Wonkette and they liveblogged the phenomena. OS Khang has already done the appropriate photoshopping. Goes to show that all of your original ideas are probably shared by hundreds of people on the Internet.

Weeeeeee? In 3 Acts.

2009-02-24T09:00:00.000-08:00

I.

II.

III.

Narwhal Rainbows

2009-02-18T20:50:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine had shared pictures of the narwhal before via Google Reader.

I'd think, "hey that's funny, putting a horn on whales! Oh people and their photoshop."

Then one day this same friend shared a video on BBC of the narwhals, with commentary by none other than David Attenborough. Then I went through a paradigm shift (without a clutch) and couldn't believe that there is an animal that strange that I never knew existed. I mean, it's not like a puffin or a duck-billed platypus that looks like they shouldn't exist but do. I've known about those for years. Going to the dentist as a child basically assures that you've come across puffins, platypi, hippos, even mole rats and capybaras. They're in all those cheesy kids magazines. But where were the narwhals? Never once have I come across the unicorn of the sea. I don't know why I'm so bothered by it, but I feel like there may be a whole world of animals I don't know. Next you'll be telling me twonicorns are real (and that they puke rainbows when they burp)!

I'd rename my site Narwhal Rainbows if Unicorn wasn't such a cool word. But I do want to spearhead the NARLY?! movement (narwhals really?!) to bring attention to this much ignored species. If I had a sports team or a club, I would have a narwhal as my mascot. The fightin' narwhals!

How Agrado Spent Her Weekend

2009-02-16T10:00:00.000-08:00

That pretty much sums up my weekend. Laying around all day reading is awesome. Friday night I did leave the house and go out for a little while to celebrate my friend's bday. I also made some awesome Vietnamese food on Saturday eve with the bestie, and I did get a new bed for the house I'll be moving into in about 2 weeks. It hasn't all been lazy. But mostly.

A note on my new bed: Macy's is having a big mattress sale, including their show mattresses. I got my new queen mega cheap because it was on the floor. At first I was a little creeped out by the idea of lots of people testing it out. But then I remembered my first bed here was from a used bed place (PJ's Sleep Shop on Hawthorne - good people if you need a bed on the cheap). No one has ever actually slept in my new one. Just random people maybe jumping on it. The neatest part of it is that for the showroom floor, they make beds that are half firm, half plush to save space. I couldn't decide which I liked better, so now I have a queen bed with both! One half is firm, the other is soft and comfy. It's magic.

Finally, not to ignore the fact that today is President's Day (and my office is closed! woot!) plz to enjoy this informative and educational video about Washington. I bet you didn't know he ate opponents' brains and invented cocaine.

He'll save childeren, but not the British children.

On Being Romantical

2009-02-14T14:12:00.000-08:00

In an effort to maintain some level of connection with the very little bit of Mandarin I learned in China, I signed up at nciku.com and I like to do a daily (though usually, only a couple times a week) exercise in learning how to write a new character or phrase. Sometimes it's topical, like today I learned that 情人节 (qing ren jie) is Valentine's Day (or Feelings People Day), other times I pick random words, like 斗牛犬(dou niu quan), which is bulldog (or fight cow dog). Throw on the yingguo and you have yourself a British fight cow dog (my favorite!).

Since today is Valentine's day, their Conversation of the Day was a true lesson in being romantic.

Wife: Jīntiān qíngrénjié nǐ zěnme dōu bú sòng wǒ huār a?

今天情人节你怎么都不送我花儿啊？

It's Valentine's Day today. Why don't you give me flowers?

Husband: Nà dōngxi nàme guì, hái méi shénme yòng.

那东西那么贵，还没什么用。

They are so expensive and useless.

Wife: Kě nǐ qùnián jiù sòngwǒ le a.

可你去年就送我了啊。

But you gave me flowers last year.

Husband: Qùnián nǐ hái zhǐshì wǒ nǚpéngyǒu, xiànzài dōu shì wǒ lǎopó le, hái sònghuā tǎonǐ huānxīn a.

去年你还只是我女朋友，现在都是我老婆了，还送花讨你欢心啊！

You were my girlfriend last year. But you are already my wife now. There's no need to give you flowers to please you.

Obviously these hamsters are not yet married. That lady hamster better not get her hopes up.

Happy Valentine's Day Bitches

2009-02-14T09:30:00.000-08:00

h/t I *Heart* You. And it's not cause I love you guys. It's cause y'all are a bunch of whores.

Cutest Video Ever

2009-02-12T22:43:00.000-08:00

Kingsford Goes to the Beach - Click here for funny video clips

Happy Almost Friday!

Weeeeeee! The Flying Edition. In 3 Acts.

2009-02-10T18:36:00.000-08:00

I.

II.

III.

You Better Work

2009-02-08T17:45:00.000-08:00

Last night I decided against going out to a bar and stayed in with my bestie to watch "It's Me or the Dog" and my 2 new favorite reality TV shows (well, just 1 new favorite, the other is just ok). Yea it's totally lame but we're kind of homebodies and I really have to be in the mood to make it out to the Pearl (for the non-Portlanders, it's the snotty yuppie part of town). Don't judge me because I picked TV and my bestie over popped collars and $10 cocktails!

Anyway, so besides a sweet episode of IMotD where a guy breaks down because his 2 pit bulls keep destroying his house but he can't give them up because they'll be put to sleep (they weren't aggressive or anything, they just got bored and ate stuff like his couch and blinds), we saw 2 new VH1 reality wonders, "For the Love of Ray J" and "Drag Race." (For the record, I just searched for a clip of the IMotD ep. and instead found all these sad videos about pit bulls and laws that want to outlaw the breed and then I cried for 10 minutes and now I'm pulling myself back together. For your future reference, don't youtube pit bulls. It'll just make you sad :(

I didn't think Ray J had anything going for him besides that sex tape and being Brandy's bro but supposedly he's also come out with a record or something. The Ray J show is the typical dating show a la I love New York, Flavor of Love, Rock of Love, Real Chance of Love. Not even any real twists. Reality tv looking for 'love' shows have become so ubiquitous and formulaic that every new show is uninspiringly the same. Just get the contestants together, edit the tape to find the characters you know will stay through till the 2nd to last episode (like the one everyone else hates but she's not here to make friends!), and then give the appropriate token of winning each round (insert rose/key/clock necklace/glass of champagne), followed by many episodes of fighting, drinking, jacuzzing, and no substantive conversation.

My favorite part was where Ray J gives each girl a nickname, not because he has to, but because that's how they do it on other shows. Following in the footsteps of Flava Flav, he goes around the table with a free association name game. The girl drinking wine is Chardonnay, the girl who is a cocktail waitress ::drum roll:: Cocktail. The girl with a tiger tattoo on her face is Dangerous. One girl had great skin, which made Ray J think of something soft, which made him think of a scarf, so he named her Cashmere. Yea. It's a good thing none of them were taking a bite of food and got stuck with "Roast Beef" or "Cauliflower" or sitting in front of a plant and got "Ficus." The rest of the show goes along pretty predictably. Some girls think they are classy because they just sit in his lap trying to take off his shirt, while others do the splits and hump the floor. Tomato, tomahtoe.

The real new wonder of reality tv comes from RuPaul.

If ANTM had an IVF baby with Project Runway, it would be Drag Race. Thomas Rogers in Salon recently wrote:

"The Bette Midlers and Whitney Houstons have been replaced by Katy Perry and the Pussycat Dolls. "The sad thing is, the pop stars that were popularly impersonated in my day all had personality," says [drag legend] Lady Bunny. "How are you going to impersonate Rihanna? What is her personality? You don't know, because she's just a product."

The point is a good one, and Tyra Banks is as close to a personality perfectly made for drag queens as you can get these days. RuPaul is basically doing Tyra in drag and it's a match made in heaven. Comparisons have already been made and Drag Race just really steps it up a notch. But back to the wonder of the show. It's basically an ANTM contest to find America's next top drag queen with its first contest being a Proj Run-esque 'make your own costume from pieces of crap from the dollar store,' with the added bonus of Santino being a regular judge.

There are a lot of great queens (with wonderful names like Rebecca Glasscock and Ongina) in the running but I was disappointed that they got rid of Victoria Parker right at the get go. She is classic drag (but I guess she just didn't lip-sync for her life hard enough) and just seemed like the sweetest person ever.

Apparently the judges and I don't agree on anything because they let creepy creepy creeepy Tammie Brown stay

And gave the top prize to Nina Flowers. I give Nina props for the outlandishness but the beauty and wonder of drag (at least for me) is the complete gender-bending aspect. I love how they can refer to each other in any pronoun: he, she, ladies, queens, regardless of what they're wearing. Androgynous is one thing but Nina's outfit looks like a character from The Dark Crystal or Labyrinth. There's not a hint of woman or man in there, it's just a costume. I was rooting for you Victoria!

One final thing we noticed was the interesting job the censor must have. Santino described one of the ladies' outfits as "You look like you're about to give a $20 handjob." Of course on TV he said "You look like you're about to give a $20 handbleep." This prompted a discussion about how confused the censor must be. Do you bleep out the hand or the job? Neither is censor-worthy, but together? Well there's a conundrum. And I wonder if they considered Rebecca Glasscock. Did they decide it was just too hard to keep up with always introducing her as Rebecca Glassbeep? Or is Glasscock ok because uh, cocks aren't normally glass? Aaaaand these are the important issues I think about. I'm glad RuPaul is back. We could all use some drag in our lives.

Gratuitous Hair Accessories

2009-02-07T17:54:00.000-08:00

I was jamming to Whitney Houston's "How Will I Know" on the Youtubes recently and the video totally reminded me of this

It's like Aretha took Whitney's silver bow idea and brought it into the 21st century of fiercosity with a mega touch of Swarovski diamonds.

I know the election is so old news by now, but I just thought I'd throw that comparison out there. Also I want an excuse to post that awesome picture of Aretha and give a shout out to Whitney Houston. I don't listen to too much R&B but there's some that I love (See: Keyes, Alicia and Blige, Mary J.) and Whit is on that short list. Anyone else totally love "I Have Nothing"? It's one of my favs. It's a great song to karaoke for its performance value but not so good for people who can't sing well. (See: Agrado).

The Highlight of My Day

2009-02-02T21:16:00.000-08:00

Besides the bacon/spinach/tomato pizza I had for lunch, was Sarah Haskins' Target Women: Super Special. It aired during the Puppy Bowl, so I understand if you missed it. It's a roundup of her previous episodes, but even if you've seen them all, you'll lolz all over again. And if you've never seen a Target: Women episode, do yourself a huge favor and check it out.

"So as a woman, you have some responsibilities you have to take care of everyday. I'm talking about your body. Your body is your responsibility. Unless the government decides it's their responsibility, in which case your off the hook!"

It's Such a Good Feeling

2009-02-01T14:06:00.000-08:00

There's this neat blog out there all about daily routines. It's really fascinating, collecting stories about lots of different people, mostly writers and artsy types. Recently they had a post about Fred Rogers and this part really struck me:

"The first time I met Mister Rogers, he told me a story of how deeply his simple gestures had been felt, and received. He had just come back from visiting Koko, the gorilla who has learned--or who has been taught--American Sign Language. Koko watches television. Koko watches Mister Rogers' Neighborhood, and when Mister Rogers, in his sweater and sneakers, entered the place where she lives, Koko immediately folded him in her long, black arms, as though he were a child, and then... "She took my shoes off, Tom," Mister Rogers said."

When you picture that, do you kind of want to die of literal cute overload? Who can forget Koko and her kitten. And coupled with Mr. Rogers, who was such a deeply powerful wonderful force on our collective unconscious, and was so accessible that even a gorilla recognized his simple act of taking off his shoes and changing into his cardigan sweater. I mean, everything about him is delightfully memorable. I still remember the episode where he went to the crayon factory, and how he used to always feed his fish.

I hope y'all had a great weekend. I saw "Tell No One" on Friday, checked out my bestie's new house yesterday (which I may be moving into), and watched a couple episodes of The Wire Season 5. Can you believe it's already February?! The Mr. Rogers Koko episode was all about kids dealing with new situations or meeting new and different people. Here's to a month of new adventures (hopefully involving monkeys).

Ragey and Happy Political Shizz

2009-01-31T10:36:00.000-08:00

The first thing I thought of when I saw this picture

was this one

I was in college when that "partial birth abortion" shit was passed and I could never get that fuckin image of Bush and his white dudes so gleefully fucking happy they can control women's bodies out of my head. That picture became a real symbol, at least to me, of the fuckeduppery going on in the White House. Thank you Obama for now letting me replace that awful image with the wonderful one of you signing the Lilly Ledbetter Act. And to give credit where it's due, Jill at Feministe actually put the two together on paper (or um, blog paper?) earlier this week. But really, what a beautiful image of our new president surrounded by a bunch of amazing, strong, and brilliant women (shout out to Congresswoman Eleanor Holmes Norton! You should watch that video, it's so awesomely hilars.)

And speaking of Republicans and their misogynist ways, after getting all pissy about the provision in the economic stimulus bill helping states fund contraception to women through medicaid, it was taken out. None of the douchebags voted for the stimulus bill anyway, but I hear the contraception provision will appear in another bill. Republicans shouldn't get their panties in a wad about birth control when their states have some of the highest rates of non-AIDS STDs. But as my friend mentioned earlier this week, maybe they'll make syphilis a new tax credit!

Anyway, here in Unicorn Rainbow land, we don't end on such dour ragey political notes. So to end this post, I'll leave you with some good sex news from our not so furry friends. Wonkette described it succinctly as "A gruesome, century-old cancer-ridden basilisk in New Zealand somehow impregnated another monster, and 11 baby Cockatrice hatched on Monday. Change is here!" I wouldn't go so far as gruesome or monstrous (they're related to dinosaurs!). It's just loooove. And he had cancer on his junk for like, 80 years.

Weeeeeee! In 3 Acts.

2009-01-27T23:20:00.000-08:00

I.

II.

III.

It's a Movie Saturday

2009-01-24T23:33:00.000-08:00

Friday, I went out after work with a co-worker and some mutual friends of ours and somehow spent about 4 hours in a bar without realizing it. So Saturday was quite a lazy, lounge on the bed, lounge on the couch, 30-rock watching day. I also re-watched one of my favorite movies "Me and You and Everyone We Know" before heading off to a delightful dinner with the bestie and her mom who's in town visiting. We went to see Frost/Nixon after that and now I am contemplating putting on some Harold & Maude to close out my evening.

Me & You & Everyone We Know is such a beautifully touching and remarkably un-cheesy movie about people trying to connect with each other. The casting is perfect, the music is perfect, and Miranda July (who I have a major girl crush on) writes really amazing subtle scenes with just the right amount of awkwardness, emotion, and sometimes just plain weirdness. I can't say enough about it, but really you only need one reason to see this movie and it's this:

I would have a baby only if I knew he would be this kid. The scene with ))<>(( has me in tears laughing every time I see it.

Frost/Nixon I am less crazy about, though I do like it. I had no idea Kevin Bacon was in it and I kind of giggled every time he had a major boner for Nixon. But wow, Frank Langella playing Nixon? A.Mazing. I never thought I'd feel almost bad for the guy. I wonder if someday someone will be able to make a movie that makes George Bush seem at least a little sad or worthy of some level of empathy (he should hope as much). Buuut, Nixon was much much smarter than GWB will ever dream to be and actually did have some accomplishments during his tenure, so maybe Bush will always be looked at as a huge retardo failure.

Also, it makes me sad to think that history just fuckin repeats itself. Parts of the Frost/Nixon interviews sound like they're coming straight from GWB himself (though of course, Bush isn't half as eloquent as Nixon is. He'd fuck up all the lines and sound like a retard, but the ideas and excuses are the same). This is one reason why I'm a major proponent of a serious investigation (if not prosecution, but a girl can dream..) into Bush's presidency. People like to throw out the bullshit line of "it's no time to point fingers. We have to look ahead, not back!" But if we don't look at what happened in the past, we are so fucking cliche doomed to repeat it. And Frost/Nixon is a wonderful reminder of that.

Now I think I'll watch another of my top 5 favorite movies, "Harold & Maude." I cry everytime I see it but it's so worth it. One of my favorite love stories ever. Goes to show I'd love a love story about a 19 year old and 79 year old. That shit is hot.

OMG

2009-01-21T22:00:00.000-08:00

Wow guys, it's been like forever since I last posted! I've been way busy at work, I've been sleeping horribly this past week so I've felt like a cracked-out zombie, and then then went out to celebrate the inauguration last night.

Now it's late and I'm tired but I signed up for this volunteer thingie where we have a pen-pal in a high school that's full of disadvantaged youth and my letter is due by Friday. I'm trying to walk the line between not being condescending and trying not to sound like I'm trying to sound cool. I would just write something like "omg, that Barack Obama is totes the shit, right?" if this wasn't supposed to be a mentoring kind of thing where I'm supposed to be like, a role model, and not write like I spend too much time on the Internet. Aaah well.

Anyway, I don't have too much to share right now cause I'm a big lame-o this week, but for a great read, check out Tibbs on ICKH, especially if you're not a fan of children. Like most things in this world, it reminds me of a Simpsons episode. I would totes become a member of "Singles, Seniors, Childless Couples And Teens And Gays Against Parasitic Parents." (SSCCATAGAPP) Who's with me in starting a Portland branch!?

If you feel like hatin on some capybaras, then Fuck You, Penguin is the place to go. Much like lolcats, I can't imagine a day when I will stop thinking that site is funny.

Also, these 2 pics I found on my new fav site FFFFound.

If I had the energy to rant about something, this would totes be my theme picture for it.

And this last bit of awesome. A beautiful rendition of the whale and petunia falling from Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (on my top 5 list of fav books ever).
"Curiously enough, the only thing that went through the mind of the bowl of petunias as it fell was Oh no, not again. Many people have speculated that if we knew exactly why the bowl of petunias had thought that we would know a lot more about the nature of the universe than we do now."

Yay Helping Puppies and Kitties

2009-01-15T21:25:00.000-08:00

One of my fav non-profits, Best Friends Animal Society, is having a neat fundraiser with Neko Case (who is amazing). BFAS will get a portion of proceeds everytime you download her song "People Got a Lotta Nerve" from her new album Middle Cyclone.

All you have to do is share this song download and Best Friends get some cashage. Great song + donating to help puppehs and kittehs (and other animals) = the height of unicorn rainbow magic! Learn more about it at anti-label.

Please to download here.

Joan Holloway Magic

2009-01-13T21:08:00.000-08:00

I'm not a huge fan of award shows. They're all just long and boring and huge circle jerks where everyone wankers on for 3 or 4 hours and a few meaningless awards are given out. So yea, I didn't watch the Golden Globes. I much prefer the distilled roundups of pictures and short clips compiled by bloggers with much more interest and patience than I have. But I have to give a shout out to my fashion hero Joan Hollaway/Christina Hendricks.

Perfuckingfection.

I love everything about Mad Men: Don Draper, everyone's sickening ability to smoke and drink all day long, the subtle character interactions and dynamics, Peggy Olson being a total badass, how it makes me grateful that I don't live in the 60s (thank you cheesus!), Don Draper. And the style! The outfits are largely amazing. Now I'm not one to romanticize the past and I have no doubt that finagling my way into the undergarments alone would've put me off from looking professional and I would've just given up to become a dirty hippy. But it just looks so good and classy! I really really REALLY wish I had Joan's entire wardrobe. Like this

or this

Though Peggy's outfit is pretty awesome too. Joan wears bright bold colors and rocks the high-waisted skirt better than anyone ever.

Now all Joan has to do is dump that rapist asshole fiancee of hers and kick Harry Crane in the nuts for hiring someone else to the job clearly meant for her and she'll be all set. So excited that the 3rd season will be this summer!

The Weekend and Stuff

2009-01-11T16:08:00.000-08:00

I'm obvs feeling very clever with a title like that. But I did have a great weekend! I started it off with dinner at the bestie's, then drinks with friends at Rose & Thistle (which reminds me of my least favorite program on NPR, Thistle & Shamrock. I irrationally hate that show so much. I can't explain it), and Indian dance night at Pi-rem courtesy of my good friend Abhi. Saturday I headed down to Eugene to see my bff from my college days. We watched the only rom-com I've ever seen that I actually liked, called "Saving Face." It's a rom-com about Chinese-Americans and while it has some of the things I hate about that genre of movie (like the superficially simple characters and endings that tie up way too easily), but unlike most of them, there were some unexpected twists. We actually guessed the ending wrong. It's in both Chinese and English (it takes place mostly in Flushing, Queens) and I could actually understand a few Chinese words here and there, so that was exciting for me. Worth a watch if you want a fun, not particularly deep, movie that isn't annoying. It's really as far from "27 Dresses" or "Bride Wars" as you can get and still be considered a rom-com. I haven't seen "Bride Wars" but the previews alone make me want to hate Anne Hathaway for even considering starring in it.

Before I get filled with rage thinking about how I hate rom-coms so much and I just wish people would stop making them or watching them, I will stop. Instead, it's time for the fun part of the post. So I've just discovered this amazing site called "FFFFOUND!", which I bet has been around for awhile but I just never noticed it before. It's great for my google reader when I just want to browse and look at pretty things and want a break from reading the news (which I've been doing too much of. I had a random dream last night that included Angela Merkel and the Palestinian crisis...). So many amazing pictures.

This one is from Teddy Roosevelt's diary the day his wife died. Brief, subtle and so sad.
This picture is just stunning, right?

I also found the link to this amazing collection of pictures from 2008 on boston.com. I can't even pick a favorite but the nerd in me loves the hadron collider that will one day suck us all into a black hole. The drummers at the Beijing Summer Olympics are pretty spectacular too. (They're pretty big so I won't repost).

There are a lot of really amazing images on FFFFound in case you feel like spending hours looking at neat stuff. But my favorite thing I've seen recently has to be this post about handi-capable pets and amazing animals (thanks Clay!). Obvs this was the week of pets in wheelchairs since this is my 2nd post in a week that includes our furry/wheelie friends. But really, doesn't this picture just melt your heart in a totally unique way?

Or the story about the seeing eye cat for the blind and deaf labrador? And the seeing eye dog right below that one?! ::eyes getting misty::

Now I'm off to finish a book, finish some laundry, and kick some butt at trivia. Oh and also I need someone to talk me out of getting an ipod touch. I'm dangerously close to throwing $230 at Steve Jobs just to become one of those losers who spends all day on their iphone (but mine will not be a phone) trying to make themselves feel important by looking busy when really they are probably twittering or playing poker or facebook stalking someone. I need an intervention!

Thanks monkey. I think I can make it. For a little while.

Pathetic-off

2009-01-08T21:44:00.000-08:00

I've had a hella long week. Looong work day Monday, date on Tuesday eve, book club Wednesday (love my BC ladies!), and today I was down in Salem all day cause one of our clients was getting interviewed by a very famous investigative reporter for the news, which meant another long day. Man I can't wait to sleep in this weekend! I have a few things in my queue I want to share but I'm feeling majorly re re this evening and can only bring you the following two videos, basically comment free, from bestweekever.

ICYMI - Wobbly Dog Needs A Wheelchair - video powered by Metacafe

ICYMI - Rabbit Who Uses A Wheelchair To Get Around @ Yahoo! Video

I just...yea..wow.

Can You Handle The Hotness?

2009-01-04T10:50:00.000-08:00

I didn't think so.
ZOMG! Diego Luna and Gael Garcia Bernal back together again in a movie. Thank you Jebus.
I think both of them would be on my list of people that I would get a free pass to cheat on my boyfriend/husband with if I got the chance. Yay 2009! I didn't like Diego Luna in 'Milk' (loved the movie though) but he is so amazingly hot in 'Dirty Dancing 2: Havana Nights.' (And yes I realize I'm admitting I've seen it. But I'll go a step further and say I've seen it multiple times). But really. He was.

Oh how I love holidays. I spent new year's day reading and listening to episodes of "This American Life" that were on my podcast subscription but I hadn't listened to. Have I mentioned my nerdcrush on Ira Glass? I'm pretty sure I have.

I also watched a couple episodes of this crazy show I read about on Tokyomango about this guy who spent a year living in a room and could only live off things he won from mail-in contests. I'm not sure how he didn't starve that first month but watching him go nutty from lack of social interaction and do his victory dance every time the mailman came and delivered him stuff (like a live lobster, a TV, or a stuffed animal sea lion) is the kind of voyeuristic joy that can only be surpassed by the can-fessionals in MTV's newest fauxreality TV masterpiece, Bromance. I wonder when MTV will drop that completely misleading "music" from its network name and just dive head first into what it really does best. The True Lifes, the Mades, Paris Hilton's BFF-esque shows.. Just switch it to RTV or FRTV (which is just a step from FARTV! which would be the best network name ever. If you were an 8 year old boy..)

My weekend was relaxing. My bestie and I made baked macaroni & cheese, which I'll be eating for another day or so, and watched Serenity. I'm going to spend my Sunday finishing our book club book, doing some laundry, unpacking (I'm the slowest unpacker on the face of the planet), and heading to trivia tonight. Let's hope it doesn't snow again this week. But if it does, can it come with some pandas playing in my backyard?

Something Resembling a Year in Review

2009-01-01T11:40:00.000-08:00

As I was commenting on E's post on New Year's Resolutions, I re-read my year-end roundup I wrote last year at around this time. I posted it on FB but I'll re-post part of it (I cut out some of the boring answers) here with commentary. I wish I wrote more cause it's amazing how many things you forget.

"1. The biggest change in your life this year?
Moving to China on a pretty short notice. Both scary and exciting.

The whole living in Beijing thing was a huge fuckin change (when I first wrote that last year, I had only been there about 3 weeks). It was amazing and I still miss it everyday. Having to come back was kind of devastating and depressing. But everything is for the best right? Right!?

Probably. The pollution probably takes a few years of your life. But still, the food, the city, cheap massages..

2. What did you do over the summer?
Studied for the Bar, took the Bar, tried to forget the Bar in Mexico, H'ville and New York, passed the Bar (woo), started freaking out about not having a job.

My summer was spent working, spending as much time as possible with my friends and boyfriend in Beijing (with a quick trip to Shanghai and Hangzhou), being depressed for awhile in Portland, and then beginning to feel better.

3. How were relationships with boyfriends/ girlfriends?
Boyfriends = generally bad. 2007 was not the year of the boyz for me. Girlfriends = amazing. Srsly, my betches are awesome. I don't know what I'd do without them.

Hmm, this is pretty much the same. 2008 was also not a year of the boyz, though my Chinese bf was cute and sweet, our relationship was a bit weird and I can't say it ended that well. But again, girlfriends = amazing.

4. What news story sticks in your mind the most from 2007?
All the fab Republican sex scandals. Thanks Larry Craig for Cocktober.

All things Obama. (BTW, I kind of want this tshirt. It combines 2 of my favorite things!) Also the Olympics and the earthquake in Sichuan were huge. Larry Craig and company set a high bar for sex scandals but I think Rick Warren is showing all the tell-tale signs of something scandalizingly awesome to come (the louder they are, the bigger the hypocrite). Spitzer's was ok but more just sad than entertaining. And I mean sad for his wife, not for him. I think Spitz is an asshole.

5. Favorite song from the year? Ack, too many good songs.

This one is a bit easier this year since I can count the number of new albums I got on 2 hands. Good new pop music is surprisingly not the easiest thing to get in Beijing (though they loooove Britney Spears). So good songs would have to be from Chairlift, Lupe Fiasco, or Hercules & Love Affair

6. Favorite artist this year? Probably The National or Jens Lekman.

One of the 3 mentioned in #5. Unless they mean artist as in 'art' art. Then I'd say whoever drew this picture, even though he's probably dead by now. Mei-mei and Ting Ting will cut a bitch just for looking at them funny!

I didn't bring back too many things from China (besides a 'Diesel' purse and 'Ferragamo' wallet) but I do have this poster up in my room and I kind of love Chinese propaganda art. It's so craze.

9. Who are you most proud of (can be a famous or non- famous person)? Heather, from ANTM.
Hahaha, I love this answer. I'm sticking to it.

12. Did you do anything you never thought you would do?
I moved to China. And started eating meat again. Mmmm lamb never tasted so good.

You may not know from my posts about my love of pig-based meats, but I was a vegetarian for 7, almost 8 years, when I moved to China and decided to start eating meat again. I don't know if I can ever go back. But for this year...hmm...working at a business law firm was definitely something I never thought I'd do. I always pictured myself a civil litigation or family law person.

19. Are you making any new years resolutions for 2008? Nope. I want a decent-paying job, a dog (english bulldog of course), and a boyfriend (or a number of cute guys to date) but whether or not any of those happen is really up in the air. I don't think I can 'resolve' to get those. Except the dog. I think my resolution will be to get a dog. It's the only one I have total control over.

Ha, so getting a dog is still on my list for 2009 (this is definitely the year for Sprinkles) but I'm not tied to my English bulldog anymore. They're not too common in shelters and the Humane Society. Any small, kind of lazy dog will do. I'm not too concerned about a bf and I have a job. I do need to add getting my own apartment to the list. I want to buy a condo but I'll be happy with a nice place to rent. Sorry roomies! Y'all are totes cool but I'm a loner when it comes to my living space. Also, I want to read more, write more, and be more proactive about getting out and having a life.

And that's about it. Am I forgetting something big from last year? Probably, but I drink too much wine to have a good memory."

So there's kind of a personal roundup. I probably am forgetting tons of stuff about 2008 but I still drink too much wine to have a good memory. I'm taking my day off today to scour through the internets for my fav pop culture and cute animal stories of 2008 that I will probably post up here soon. I'm feeling a bit re-re and lazy this morning.

Happy New Year's y'all!!

Christmas Awesomeness

2008-12-29T20:31:00.000-08:00

I'm back in cold rainy Portland after a wonderful week down in Alabama visiting the fam. My sister and my parents live there, as well as my sister's two dogs, Simba and Lil' Bear. They have now officially become the grandkids of the family. It's a bit ridiculous but they are truly great dogs. They may be spoiled with affection but they aren't aggressive or possessive. My parents are huge Cesar Millan fans and try to follow the Dog Whisperer way. I also got them hooked on It's Me or the Dog (I have a huge girl crush on Victoria Stillwell) so they are pretty good at controlling the puppies (which is good cause Lil' Bear is not so little).

Here's Lil' Bear doing some pre-washing of our dishes after our Christmas Eve dinner. 2 seconds after I took this picture, he bit that wooden spoon and cracked it. Oops! I had one of my best girlfriends from high school and her parents over for brunch on Christmas (we've known their family for about 14 years now). LB fell asleep under the table and snored so loud we had to yell over him. Yea he's kind of awesome. Simba is great too, best dog ever. All he wants in the world is for you to pet him and occasionally slip him some bacon.

These two brothers from another mother (and father) are awesome. The rest of my trip was great as well. I love my family. As crazy as they can be, they are endlessly hilarious, awesome, and entertaining.

I met up with most of the Girls Club, my group of girlfriends from high school. We all keep in touch pretty regularly and they are all just really awesome ladies. We had a few members missing but it was the biggest GC reunion we've had in awhile. My friend Susie has the coolest job ever. She works at Chicago Public Radio as a producer for "All Things Considered." You should listen to her stories and leave her comments about how awesome her reporting is! She says she doesn't see Ira Glass though (supposedly he's out in NYC most of the time) so no need to ask for an autograph or if he'll marry you or anything.

What else...oh! I went to a lesbian bar with my sis and saw possibly the gayest thing ever. A table decoupaged with pictures of Melissa Ethridge. Seriously. Melissa Ethridge fuckin decoupage.

Awesome! We had a great time watching the drag show and drinking cheap booze and chatting. I maybe drank a bit too much and felt it on the plane ride the next day but it was worth it.

Finally, I came home to this, my Christmas present to myself:

I cannot tell you how excited I am to carry around my new Golden Girls tote bag. I got it at this Etsy store. Afuckingmazing. So that's all for my now. I have no plans for New Year's Eve whatsoever. This is my first one actually in Portland and it's not looking like it'll shape up to be a good one, but if y'all hear of anything fun going on, let me know! I'd love to ring in 2009 in style.

Cute Overload worthy!

2008-12-23T13:32:00.000-08:00

From my friend over at Such Ridiculosity,

Kedz on Ice from aidywi on Vimeo.

I looooove this video. But holy crap what is going on in Portland!?

Yay Vacay!

2008-12-23T11:26:00.000-08:00

So you'd think with all this free time I have, being on vacation and all and not doing anything, I'd be better about posting. Turns out vacations make me even lazier than normal and I've barely had the energy to get up off the couch and turn off L&O or Animal Cops: Houston to shower, let alone put together words to form sentences that may be interesting to some people, accompanied by pictures of cute animals. Phew, just thinking about it makes me wanna go back to the couch (which I totes will in about 1 minute). I do have cute things to write and post pictures about (spoiler, it'll probably be about hanging out with my sister's dogs). But for now, I'll just post two ridiculous video from Japan. Both are courtesy of Tokyomango, which is really an amazingly awesome site.

First, the most patient cat on the planet.

Followed by the most patient dogs (and a monkey!). I guess animals in Japan are a billion times better behaved than any pets I know.

And this picture totes reminds me of that scene in the first Treehouse of Horrors where Lisa and the aliens have that misunderstanding about cooking humans versus cooking for forty humans.

More cuteness to come. For now I've got some Animal Planet to catch up on.

Penguins!

2008-12-17T19:46:00.000-08:00

It's been a cold, rainy, snowy week here so to celebrate hump day (and the fact I only have 2 more days till I'm on vacation!), here is my favorite story of this week. The headline almost says it all but the story just gets better. (I realize there's a ludicrous amount of projection here. Penguins are not people but just take it as a fab funny story ok!)

Gay penguins expelled from zoo colony for stealing eggs are given their own to look after following animal rights protest

"A pair of gay penguins thrown out of their zoo colony for repeatedly stealing eggs have been given some of their own to look after following a protest by animal rights groups.

Last month the birds were segregated after they were caught placing stones at the feet of parents before waddling away with their eggs.

'We decided to give them two eggs from another couple whose hatching ability had been poor and they've turned out to be the best parents in the whole zoo,' said one of the keepers."

Chinese penguins are obviously the best at everything.

UPDATE
And I don't know how I forgot about this, but today is obviously National Funny Penguin Day! Check this out, it's hilarious. Fuck You, Penguin.

"Hey Prairie dog, I didn't realize donuts were native to the grasslands of North America! You're so fat, you make a capybara look like an African pygmy mouse!"

Omg it's sooo good.

Princess Unicorn!

2008-12-14T22:52:00.000-08:00

I've been searching the Internet far and wide (ok...so for like, the last 10 minutes) for a screen shot of Dwight and Princess Unicorn from this past episode of the The Office. (Half-girl/half-unicorn! Things like that make me squeeeee in delight). Unfortunately I don't have the technical savvy of doing these things myself, and if Google doesn't find it for me, then I'm shit out of luck. What I did find was this website for the actual spoof product. It's kind of awesome and really goes with my blog theme.

My horn can pierce the sky!

Anywho, my snowday 2008 was pretty uneventful. Watched The Office and 30 Rock, some new Simpsons episodes (the one where Homer is afraid of the Muslim family and the crossword puzzle one - I thought both were delightful!), read a lot, and played this game called "San Juan" with 2 of my roommates and a gf of one of the roommates. It was one of those nerdy strategery games and I'll admit, it was hella fun. I kind of want to play it again.. I did venture out to Trader Joe's just to get out of the house and wow it was cold. I think I'm just not prepared clothes-wise for this kind of weather. Also my car door won't open! Here's hoping I don't have to go to work tomorrow!

Ni hao bitches

2008-12-14T15:10:00.000-08:00

A year ago, I had just landed in Beijing, settled somewhat in my little room with the broken bed, and began my 3 days of sitting in the apartment trying to adjust to the time change and waiting for the inevitable cold that besets all foreigners entering China due to the onslaught of pollution. I never did get sick so perhaps not forcing myself to do anything those first few days (besides marathon Firefly and Freaks & Geeks) helped.

I had written out a whole sappy "I MISS CHINA!!!" whiny post but this is a happy blog about magical and cramazing things so instead, I'll just post some pictures I love.

This is the new CCTV building (China Central Television). It is directly across the street from the office building I worked in so I got to see it everyday. It does look like a big pair of pants but it is unlike any other building I've ever seen.

Meat on a stick at all hours

Few things are more satiating than leaving a bar at 3:00am with the munchies and being able to get meat (or tofu or bread) on a stick for about 10 cents.

There's a huge repository of great chinglish phrases that people have encountered and can be found all over the internets. I saw quite a few but this was definitely my favorite.

Constantly people! Not just a glass with your dinner or for special occasions.

And finally, one of the best Christmas presents I've ever received from my wonderful friend seen here.

I wore this Doraemon face mask probably every day for at least 2 months, not because it helps to keep pollution out of your lungs, but it helps keep your face warm when it's below freezing and you've got a 40-minute walk to work. Also Chinese people call the little robot cat "Xiao Ding Dang" which always made me giggle. Little ding dong!

It's been snowing all day here in Portland. I'm not a fan but I think I will brave the weather and go to TJ's. I hope I don't freeze to death.

Longest.Day.Ever.

2008-12-10T20:15:00.001-08:00

Has today seemed like just the longest fucking day ever? I woke up and my first thought (after wanting to kill the creator of alarm clocks, as is my usual first thought every morning) was "How the fuck is it only Wednesday?!?" I got to work and every hour draaaaggggeeeeddd ooooonnnn for forever. My bestie concurred with my theory that time had somehow magically stretched. Then I went to get my hair cut and the guy trimming my bangs was like "Funny you mention long days, today has been the longest day for me too!" What's the deal y'all? I guess the only thing to do on days that go on forever (cheesus, it's not even 8:30!) is to watch videos of cute animals.

Now I don't know how this passed me by (I usually have my finger on the pulse of the cute animal stories network) but this video about Skidboot is amazing. How is that dog so smart? Anyone have any idea? Does Cesar Millan know about this? Can he explain how this dog is so brilliant? SKIDBOOT!!!

It's cramazing!

I think the Wired list did leave out a few. The cat with the major box problem comes to mind.

As does the Ninja Cat.

And this. (Ok, so it's not a video but some awesomely cute pictures. I'm sure there's a video of it somewhere on the intartubes).

But at least they have Christian the Lion on there. That video makes me tear up everytime I see it. I just watched it for the millionth time and got misty.

Anywho, I'm going to spend the rest of my day watching a movie decidedly not about cute animals. I'll let you know if Lust/Caution is worth watching. I've heard that it's the best movie ever and a horrible waste of time (from two different sources, obvs) but I love me some Ang Lee and I love me some hot Chinese actors so I'll give it a go. Here's to the end of the longest day ever.

How Agrado Spent Her Weekend

2008-12-08T23:26:00.000-08:00

I spent the weekend at Elaine's house cause the bitch was down in Mexico where it's warm and sunny. On the upside, I got to housesit, which means I had a whole house to myself. A house that comes with a dog!! The easiest dog in the world to take care of. I let her out a few times a day, I fed her, I pet her, and then she just lay on her blanket while I watched Law & Order and Golden Girls (cause I'm 80 years old). It was heaven y'all. This is how Turtle spent most of her weekend.

I don't have a TV at home so I've been catching up on the multitudes of bizarro TV shows that are on now. I really wish I had Animal Planet. It's totes my new favorite network. I can watch it all day long. Fat Pets, Animal Cops, Dogs 101, Cats 101, It's Me or the Dog (though I'm not crazy about the new American episodes. What happened to her dominatrix outfits!?)

And isn't it weird that everything is now a realitv show? I just watched Scream Queens on Vh1. A girl I went to law school with is on Whale Wars (that show where militant animal rights activists ram into whaling ships). I saw a preview for a show about people that give parking tickets! I wonder if this is some attempt at making people happier with their jobs by showing that even mundane work is exciting enough for TV. Cause I'm in a profession that has a billion shows about it, and I seriously heart L&O, but it is nowhere near that exciting. I can't imagine that getting a role in Saw VI is really going to change your life and start your career. Being on ANTM won't even launch your career, and TyTy is exponentially more famous than all the Saw movies put together.

I also watched the season finale of The Pick-up Artist 2 (and by watched, I mean I had it on mute for half of the 10 minutes I was able to not implode from RT). Oh my god that is the most ridiculous show on the planet!! Despite the fact it is based on a laughably sexist premise, I can't even muster up the energy to be offended. Mystery is so distractingly, ludicrously ridiculous, I would need to make up a whole new word for him. At this point all I've got is wtfzomgwtf, but I'm sure I'll think of something better soon.

Now I'm back at my house. My cold sad house with other people living in it. I seriously need to get my own place soon. It's not that my roommate isn't nice (only 1 now, but 2 more are coming). I just have this thing where I don't want people around in my living space most of the time. I love having guests and stuff, but for the most part, I just want to be by myself. Especially in the morning when I'm a zombie-bitch-from-hell before I have my first cup of coffee. Is it so much to ask to just stay in your room until I leave for work! Sheesh.

Oh, and I did two other awesome things this weekend.
1) 2 of my girlfriends came over while I was at E's and we cooked an aaaaaamazing dinner of lamb meatballs on polenta with veggies. We sat around, drank wine, talked shit. It was awesome.

It doesn't look half as good in that picture as it tasted. But try it. It's fuckin delish.

2) I went to the NIN show at the Rose Quarter. Holy crap it was amazing (and I realize I say a lot of shit is amazing, but omg, seriously. This show was Afuckinmazing.*) I've seen them before and I've had a long-lasting crush on Trent Reznor (I secretly heart goth dudes. They're so pensive!), but they have put together some crazy shit for this tour. Not only do they rock the old school tracks, the visuals at the show are unreal. And again. Hot.

So that was my weekend. My birthday party was not that fun, which is why I didn't post about it. Aaah well, what can you do. I could (and probably will) write more about my new favorite shows and other awesome meals I've cooked (or my friends have cooked and I played sous chef). But it's Monday night, and I'm totes over my day.

* I really need substitutes for "amazing" and "awesome." I use them way too much.

It's my berffdaay!

2008-12-01T23:35:00.000-08:00

Woot woot! Monday birthdays generally aren't that great, what with the work thing and all, but I managed to have a chill stress-free day at the office. I usually love to do fun things for my bday. Big dinners and nights out but I guess I shouldn't have become a lawyer a year ago and been so lame as to not really do much for my birthday by the time I'm 25. Aaaaahh well, that's how shit turns out.

I just ate at Le Pigeon for dinner and holy crap it was good. We (being my bestie, Jacob, and I) had some pig (the magical animal) for every course. Pork belly and egg noodles (with truffles - my absolute favorite flavor ever) for appetizers; beef cheek and the most amazing piece of pork I've ever had for an entree.

And for dessert? Cornbread with maple ice cream, apricots, and BACON of course!

My pictures didn't turn out that great but after more than half a bottle of wine, my camera aim and selection of camera settings was, perhaps, not at its peak. I love the Pidge for many reasons. Even their vegetarian food is awesome. I was a vegetarian for 7 years before I went to China and I've had a few wonderful vegetarian meals at Le Pigeon. I also went through my foiegrastarianism there, where I ate no meat except foie gras at LP. It's a really exclusive food movement, not too many of us ever existed. But now that I'm back to eating meat when the urge strikes, I wanted to go all out. And though I feel like I've had enough meat to last me until my next birthday, my belly is happy.

There's not too much else on my wish list this year. I do want some boots, a new winter jacket, and maybe a date with either T.I., Jon Hamm, or James Franco (shit, can I just be Sean Penn and make out with both Franco and Diego Luna!!??). Jet Li, Jon Stewart, and Rahm Emmanuel are also always on that list. Agrado's Future Dog Sprinkles Fund (AFDSF) is still accepting donations and I could really use my own apartment. One of those new condos popping up all over Portland will do just fine. Like the Sunrose on 28th & Burnside. Top floor on that one would be great. Y'all got that? Cool.

All The Single Ladies!

2008-11-30T14:25:00.000-08:00

I'm back in dreary Portland after my whirlwind weekend with my amazingly wonderful college buddies. We had a wonderful time up in Seattle hanging at the W hotel and dancing all night at Neighbours. I've never been to a gay bar with so many straight dudes. Or gay dudes who hit on women. Good times though. Good times.

Oh if only I didn't have to work again. And if only birthdays were holidays ::sigh:: But I've managed to entertain myself today instead of going to the office, like I should, with this amazing (or CRAMAZING!) video for Beyonce's (Sasha Fierce's...whatever) song. I'm not generally a Beyonce fan (looooved Destiny's Child though) because I just can't get past her lyrics. "Irreplaceable" is a catchy tune, but I think there's something wrong with rhyming a word with the same word. Can't you be more creative? Do you really have to say "I could have another you in a minute. Matter fact, he'll be here in a minute"? And I'm sorry, but "If I Were a Boy" was already done by Ciara in 2006 and her version is way better. That said, I'm obsessed with the video for "Single Ladies." It's the best dance routine ever. Look at her legs! And her butt! And all in those heels! It's magically hypnotizing. Seriously. I've watched the first minute and a half of the video 10 times today.

Ok now I'm really off to work. Just for a few hours though. I also need to go boot shopping and the library and then later I'm going to see Milk. And tomorrow I'll be 25! Yikes.

Happy Thanksgiving!

2008-11-27T12:47:00.001-08:00

The eating and boozing hasn't started yet (and we do have 6 bottles of wine to get through before the day is over) but for now, I'm enjoying my Thanksgiving down in Eugene with some old friends, indulging in a wonderful Thanksgiving day tradition. No I'm not talking about the Macy's Parade. I'm talking about the National Dog Show of course! English bulldogs are one of my fav breeds.

Jebus, how can you resist! Anyway, I hope everyone is enjoying their day with family and friends! I'm going to eat too much, drink too much, pass out, and then head to Seattle tomorrow for a pre-birthday celebration. I hope everyone else is planning on doing the same.

How Agrado Spent Her Weekend

2008-11-23T23:06:00.000-08:00

Hmm...well, let's see. First, I caught up on ANTM and watched the season (excuse me, Cycle) 11 finale. It was pretty boring and I was never a huge fan of McKey. She's pretty and all but her smile, it's so big! And this is from a person who was called Jokerface when she was little! But seriously, McKey's takes up about half her face. I was always a Sheena fan and even though Elina was annoying as shit with her whole "I'm European that's why I'm weird" thing, I still thought she was the prettiest. But I know ANTM is not about producing actual top models and more about Tyra Banks, and I don't need to re-hash that whole deal. The best IM conversation about Tyra and the finale was had between the Fug Girls. I'm so using cramazing on a regular basis.

Then I spent a lot of time catching up on the youtubes (watching the Office, catching up on the Shiba Inus, watching the cat ride the roomba...). I was also reminded of this amazing video from years past. My nerdy group of friends from college quoted this short little video approximately 3.4 million times a week. (Cause we're consumer whores. And how!)

Then after perusing through my google reader and finding out Noah's Arc is now a movie (why didn't anyone tell me!!?? And why isn't it in Portland!!??), I killed even more time looking through the collection of pictures that Life has put online and made available to everyone via the magical searchitude of Google. Omg this is brilliantly awesome. Sooooo maaaannnnyyy piiiiccctttuuurrreeess. It was hard for me to choose just a few to post. I decided to stick to cute animal ones and not even include an awesome picture of Pablo Picasso sitting in his house with no pants on. Cause that's how the guy rolls! (And really, who wouldn't? Pants are so overrated.) They may be the shortest shorts ever, but I'll still pretend that Picasso sat around with no pants on. It's totes cramazing! Ok I'll link to it. But back to the animals.
Type in "cute animals" and you get this

That cheetah is 40 years old and sticking his tongue out at you!

Search for 'pets' and you get 12 pages of old black and white pictures of cute animals and their owners. Including loads of pictures of Blondie the lion who lived with a family in the UK in the 50s. Very reminiscent of Christian the lion, without the luxury of having someone put a Whitney Houston song to his story.

Hey! Did you know that pandas were cute, even back in 1901!!

19motherfuckin01 y'all.

Yea so that's how I spent a lot of my weekend. That and kicking some major ass at trivia down at the Goodfoot. My team is pretty much awesome all of the time.

Phew! This post was tiring. At least this is a short week for Thanksgiving. And then next week is my birthday! What should I do to celebrate?!

"We said Meh. M-E-H. Meh."

2008-11-22T17:24:00.000-08:00

I am a huge fan of new words, shortened words, throwing -tastic at the end of anything to make an adjective, misusing suffixes and prefixes, and even occasionally mixing 2 languages for new words (like saying boozeria for the liquor store, or xingqiFriday for the day of the week). We've all heard strategery, lolz, frienemies, blergh, and so on.

So I was happy to read that meh is now official. I use this word all the time to express indifference, or if I'm trying to be polite when I don't like something and instead of saying it's terrible, I can say it's just meh. I never really thought about it not being an actual word or that people wouldn't understand what I was saying. Americans (and generally, English speakers), even if they have never seen The Simpsons, can usually deduce the meaning from the dismissive tone or the shrug of shoulders. One day when I was in Beijing, I was in a taxi with my then-bf, who's from from the mainland. He asked my opinion about something and since I didn't really care for it one way or another, I said meh. Him not being a native English speaker, and definitely not an avid watcher of the Simpsons, just looked at me with a confused face and said "what?" I said, "Meh. m-e-h. meh." (As if quoting the episode would clarify the situation or perhaps make him appreciate my wittiness...) He responded "I don't know that word. What does it mean?" After a few seconds of thought, I said it wasn't actually a word, that it was closer to slang, but that it meant indifferent. If you don't really like something but don't really hate it, it's meh.

It's a funny thing to explain slang to people who are learning your language as a second language. What was even more common was explaining how we use words in different ways than their intended meaning. For example, my roommate and co-worker in Beijing (who's American) and I both like to say 'that's so balls' when something sucks. Explaining that to non-English speakers is tricky. How do you explain that balls can be the equivalent to something being bad when balls are just things that you toss around in various sports (and that when we say something is balls cause it sucks, well we mean a different kind of ball)? Then I ran into the added difficulty that when I said it means "it sucks," many Chinese people had learned that that's a bad word. Fair enough, I mean, when I really think about it, it does make me giggle (I have the sense of humor of an 8 year old boy - omg! that internet quiz did figure me out!). But I've just used these phrases so much that I'm desensitized from their actual meanings. I hadn't had anyone be offended by 'that sucks' since my youngin days in Alabama, and even then I thought it was such a tame phrase. I guess I could've said it sucks like a vacuum cleaner or a black hole, but that doesn't really make sense. I think I ended up explaining that it's just not that bad (I mean, it's no "that's some motherfuckin bullshit" right?) Basically, that whole interchange just taught me that I need to not use slang phrases that involve male genitalia when talking to people who don't use slang.

Luckily meh is totally inoffensive and so easily rolls off the tongue when experiencing something mediocre that it was pretty easy to explain, and now at least one person in China is using meh the way the lord intended it.

The Internet Knows Agrado is an 8 Year Old Gay Boy

2008-11-20T21:45:00.000-08:00

On Wonkette they linked to this site where you can find out the truth behind the writers of your favorite blogs (spoiler: they're all either majorly into porn or puppies!). So of course I typed in U.R. cause I'm a total sucker for anything that supposedly tells me more about myself. I got:

"The entertaining and friendly type. They are especially attuned to pleasure and beauty and like to fill their surroundings with soft fabrics, bright colors and sweet smells. They live in the present moment and don´t like to plan ahead - they are always in risk of exhausting themselves.

The enjoy work that makes them able to help other people in a concrete and visible way. They tend to avoid conflicts and rarely initiate confrontation - qualities that can make it hard for them in management positions."

Hmm...I like pretty soft things, I'm a horrible planner, and I seriously hate confrontation! I don't really risk putting myself in a hospital for exhaustion a la Lohan circa 2007 but yea, I live in the moment. Well played all-knowing intarweb jesus!

My fav part was this picture that accompanied my profile:

I mean, I probably have that outfit minus the fug boots and some red wine instead of champagne, but what's with the weird cat-face and missing arm and earrings that hang in your hair instead of your ears? I may be like a raver kid with my love of soft and shiny things and disinclination towards engaging in fisticuffs so I'll give the random intartubes quiz that much. And I may try and seduce you at a bar with my bedroom eyes if you work for OPB ::cough:: Casey Negreiff!::cough:: or resemble Jon Hamm or Barack Obama, but I will not do so by bringing you dead pets as presents or otherwise secretly plotting your demise.

Even more exciting is this other intarweb-jesus-looking-into-your-blogger-soul site that's a GenderAnalyzer. Mine is, get this, 69% male! A blog titled Unicorn Rainbows full of posts about random crushes on boys and cute animals is male! I'm pretty sure they were thinking of Shannon when they made this little analyzer thingie. If they were, then they are about 31% off. Aaaaand with that, I'm going to go take a nap under the unicorn falls.

Caramel Marshmallow Clouds of Puffiness

2008-11-16T22:30:00.000-08:00

I know everyone on the intarwebs has seen this, but just to thoroughly saturate and spread the cute to all possible viewers, I have to post it. It's my puppy-biological-clock ticking crazy loud.

“I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out.”

2008-11-16T22:12:00.000-08:00

Had cancer not prematurely taken him in 1994, I am pretty sure Bill Hicks would've imploded from the overwhelming stupid of George W. Bush somewhere around, oh 2002. I still find him hilarious and relevant today, 14 years after he passed on. I guess I just relate to his righteous indignation. And really, some things haven't changed from 1992 to 2008. Oh Bill would've had such a field day with Sarah Palin.

"You believe the world is 12,000 years old?
That's right.
Ok, I got one word to ask you. A one word question. Ready?
Uh-huh.
Dinosaurs."

Whenever I'm feeling down or just generally want a good laugh, Bill never fails me.

Teh Hotness

2008-11-15T15:19:00.001-08:00

Taken from a benefit for the Spina Bifida Association.
Here is an ok video of the roast. It's a bit shaky and I'd really love to see more reactions (like Dana Perino's!) so I hope a better version comes out soon, but it's worth a watch. Oh Rahm...you're so dreamy...

Random Memory Triggers

2008-11-13T22:53:00.001-08:00

So supposedly in Tokyo, on the Yamanote line of the subway, each stop has its own background music to listen to while you wait on the platform. Logically, some Japanese company came up with this little piggy bank that plays those subway tunes when you put money in it.

This reminded me of Beijing, where every 7-11 has the exact same 20 second tune that plays over and over again, all day long. In every store. It was a tune that I'd get stuck in my head and not even know where it came from. I once was hanging around with a good friend and he randomly started humming the tune, then I started humming the tune and we both were like "what's that from!?" It was so embedded in our minds from too many trips to the 7-11 (it's different in China...) that we didn't even consciously know where it came from.

But back to the Tokyo train - and there is a tenuous connection in my head between the two - I just love living in cities full of seemingly afterthought details. While I'm sure there was a group of people that made the decision to have different little jingles at each stop for this line of the subway, it's not an active advertising campaign as much as just a friendly mental reminder that "you're here!" The next stop will be a different friendly reminder that "hey, you're somewhere else now" (and of course, great for blind people!). How cool is that!? Such a tiny detail but when you live in a place where subways are so common that you spend hours, even days, of your life on them, it can be such a mental trigger. I'm sure that if I took the Yamanote train everyday, those little songs would become inextricable parts of my memory of them. And sure, if I had to work at a 7-11 in Beijing, that little 20 second jingle would probably drive me insane and haunt me in my sleep. But as a place I went to get Chinese hot dogs, bean paste buns, $.50 packs of cigs, and bottles of cheap Great Wall red wine, it was a delightful and tiny little jingle of familiarity. Often it's the little things that really make a place special for you as a resident of that place, not just as a tourist. Beijing has so many little things about it that I loved, and this video just triggered one miniscule random little piece of it.

(hat tip to TokyoMango)

Where Agrado goes Squeeeeeee over the Obamas

2008-11-12T22:58:00.000-08:00

I just came back from my first ever book club meeting. I've always wanted to be in a book club and when my friend Elaine over at ICKH emailed me about starting one, I was all about it. Of course we ended up just talking about what's going on in everyone's lives and spent all of 3 1/2 minutes talking about the book we had chosen ("The Department of Lost & Found" by Allison Winn Scotch - it was ok. Not wonderful but an easy read. I found the main character annoying and unrelatable in a lot of ways, but moving on....), it was a lovely evening all around. We had originally scheduled our date for November 4th, forgetting for 3 seconds that it was election night, but we made a point to toast to the best news in the last decade. We talked about how hot Rahm Emanuel is (a topic which I think will be more thoroughly covered in a future blog post), and just how awesome the Obamas seem as a family and as a couple. This site really captures it. My fav pic is this one:

I can't think of a more genuinely happy and comfortable looking couple that is in the public sphere than the Obamas. They remind me of my parents. Their whole family dynamic is completely relatable. All of the pictures of their family just scream to me "Please reach into your computer screen and give me a big ol' hug full of happiness!"

I'm excited by the executive orders that Obama has planned, how much time and effort he's putting into his transition team, the set of brilliant advisors I'm sure he'll have, and I'm uncharacteristically optimistic about his chances at being successful policy-wise. But I also know that Democrats love to hate on Democrats, it's that whole self-deprecating thing we do, so I know there will be a lot of criticism of the Obama administration within 6 months of his inauguration. They'll bitch and moan about all the things he said he'd get done but can't get done in 10 days because even with the Executive and the Legislative branches controlled by Democrats, we still have 8 years of shit to fix. That's a lot of shit. But it's inevitable and the Democrats will be angry and the hopegasm will eventually be over. I know Obama is not Cheesus and he does not perform miracles. Despite that I still feel excited about his family being "the first family" and what that means for Americans. Even if he ends up falling short of his expectations, I can't imagine not feeling the giddyness I feel everytime I see the Obamas as a family. Barack's story is so quintessentially American, Mark Twain couldn't have written a better story if he tried.

Shameless Pet Promotion

2008-11-06T21:18:00.000-08:00

Inspired by the most important news story of the coming weeks (yes, of course I mean the choosing of the next first pet(s) to join the Obamas in the White House), I want to share some stories of some awesome rescue animals.

When it comes to pets (especially dogs, but cats too), I'm like some women are with babies. I freak out a little. Like I have to have one RIGHT NOW!! I talk to random people's dogs on the street without saying anything to their owners. When I'm alone with animals, I constantly talk to them as if they could hear or understand me. CuteOverload and the Daily Puppy make me squeal like a tween watching the Jonas Brothers.

I plan on getting a dog soon. I already have a name picked out! Sprinkles! But being a relatively rational person, I know that since I'm not home very often and I don't have a lot of money, I should wait a bit before getting him/her. But that doesn't keep me from living vicariously through other people's pets. Like these proshes (who'll probably make many appearances here on U.R.)

They are gay brothers who almost got smashed to death by construction workers when they were wee little kitties. The one on the left is really fat and lazy, but gets possessed by spirits about once a day, while the one on the right sleeps with one eye open. Since I'm allergic to cats, they often make me sound like Bea Arthur when I've been hanging out with them too much, but they are worth it.

This delightful puppeh was found when he was also a weee little thing chained up in a backyard. He was sneakily nabbed by crafty ninjas from owners who didn't care about him and didn't want him. He could've grown up to become a mean fighty dog but he is now the sweetest thing on four legs. Those wrinkles on his forehead means he's thinking! He usually has to think real hard cause he's a little special.

And this guy below came from a racetrack. He raced for 5 years before he got his forever home. Now he is playing happily up in dog heaven after 8 years of fun home life where he got to run in the backyard, sleep for 14 hours a day, and occasionally get spoiled (and fat! though you can't tell by that slender face) with people food.

The above wonderful pets at some point didn't have a home (or had a really crappy one) And we all know there are tons of unwanted puppehs and kittehs all over the place. For those like me who want a dog but can't have one for one reason or another, you can sponsor some lovely pets until they get a forever home at Best Friends Animal Society (I love them cause they take in the neediest of animals) and your local humane society. Or you can contribute to the AFDSF (Agrado's Future Dog Sprinkles Fund). I take cash and Paypal.

My Silly Casey Negreiff Story

2008-11-06T20:57:00.000-08:00

Yes I have one.

I have not been a long time OPB (Oregon Public Broadcasting, for those not in-the-know) listener. While I totally love and respect the NPR enterprise, I’d rather rock out to my decidedly 2006 playlist than be reminded of the financial crisis and how much I hate George Bush’s voice. I am a huge fan of driving only because I love to sing along to any and everything that I know the lyrics to. So when my car’s CD player died for good about 3 months ago, OPB was my go-to in the morning. When the only other choices are horribly annoying loud offensive sexist douchebags, ‘Morning Edition’ was an easy choice. I am now completely addicted to my morning dose of perfectly unbiased, thoughtful news while I drive to work. This is how I first became familiar with Caseina Griff. Not only does he have the calm, academic voice that I imagine is accompanied by a geeky-sexy intellectual personality and nerd glasses, but he has the strangest name ever! Everyday I would wonder how he spelled his name (is it Caseyna? Caseina? Caseena? I was leaning towards Caseina), where it came from, if other people thought it was strange. My first thought (and I’m pretty sure I’m the only person that has ever made this connection) was of that 70s movie with David Carradine and Sylvester Stallone, “Death Race 2000,” that takes place in a dystopian future (2000!) with no values or respect for human life and the ultimate entertainment is watching cars run down old people and babies. Anyone remember this? No? Eh. Anyway, while this is all going on, an underground movement is trying to stage a revolution. A delightfully crappy story of American values blah blah blah, but the leader is one Thomasina Paine, related to Thomas (with the cleverly chick-ified name!)*. So literally, my first thought after hearing Caseina Griff’s name was “hmm…I wonder if this is like "Thomasina Paine" and some odd attempt at changing a name to be more feminine. But he's obvs a guy, so maybe his parents wanted to shirk gender rules and instead of just naming him Casey, they’ll name him Caseina, as in a distinctly feminine Casey, but he’s a boy!” Seriously. That stupidly complicated thought process went through my head the first time I heard Casey Negreiff’s name.

The other day I was at my bff’s house and we were talking about public radio personalities and how we both imagine that all of the hosts on NPR/OPB must be incredibly attractive (::ahem:: Ira Glass!) with such powerfully soothing voices. My bestie wanted to know what Kristian Foden-Vencil looked like and while I was scrolling through the other hosts, I discovered the truth of Caseina Griff. Casey. Negreiff. Well no shit Agrado.

Now I can't help but laugh at how arbitrary and random my thought process is every time I hear his name. At least I was right about the nerd glasses.

And just to throw it out there, Casey Negreiff, if you ever google your name and come across this post, I’m totes available, allergic to cats, and love cooking. Unless of course, working for public radio precludes you from hanging out with people who say 'totes' and 'obvs.'

*Ha, I just wiki’d this movie and found this line: “Disruption of the race by the resistance is blamed on the French by the state, who are also blamed for ruining the country's economy and telephone system.” ::shakes fist at France:: The French! Why must they ruin everything! Including our telephone system!

Even the Cats Go For Him

2008-11-06T20:35:00.000-08:00