Never Gonna Get It

Lately, I've had many discussions with Kerry about that horrible David Guetta/Akon song "Sexy Bitch," (He's TRYING to not be disrespectful. But these bitches! It's just too hard sometimes!) and the New Boyz/Ray J song "Tie Me Down" about how he likes having sex with this girl but: "There's too much girls and I ain't lettin go, Cause my life is great, And you ain't nothing but a hoe"
And his excuse is: "Ay yea you know I'm a man, And I have no feelings"

There's some other song about a guy who asks this woman he was interested in if he could "visit her at work" so he could see her "slide up the pole with no panties and no shirt.



That's exactly how I feel baby meerkat! Sheesh! It makes this pop music-fan wonder what the eff these guys are thinking? Don't these men have any women in their lives at all? It makes me grateful for all the Lady Gagas and the Beyonces in the world to counter all the terrible misogynist bullshit. It's not all horribly offensive out there! When the mainstream pop-hip hop world has you down, I like to throw on one of these never-fail classics:


This song has my favorite back up vocals ever. "I'm a survivor (what!)/I'm not gonna give up (what!)/I'm not gonna stop (what!)/I'm gonna work harder (what!)." Here I must shout-out to Kim, one of my high school bffs. We used to car-sing the shit out of this song back in the day.
See also: Independent Woman




Also recommended: Shoop


Can't Hold Us Down - Christina feat. Lil' Kim

What am I forgetting? Now I'm off to Katherine's for some steak, potatoes, and Jake the Bachelor. It's the fantasy suites episode!

Gratuitous Hair Accessories

I was jamming to Whitney Houston's "How Will I Know" on the Youtubes recently and the video totally reminded me of this
















It's like Aretha took Whitney's silver bow idea and brought it into the 21st century of fiercosity with a mega touch of Swarovski diamonds.














I know the election is so old news by now, but I just thought I'd throw that comparison out there. Also I want an excuse to post that awesome picture of Aretha and give a shout out to Whitney Houston. I don't listen to too much R&B but there's some that I love (See: Keyes, Alicia and Blige, Mary J.) and Whit is on that short list. Anyone else totally love "I Have Nothing"? It's one of my favs. It's a great song to karaoke for its performance value but not so good for people who can't sing well. (See: Agrado).

Yay Helping Puppies and Kitties

One of my fav non-profits, Best Friends Animal Society, is having a neat fundraiser with Neko Case (who is amazing). BFAS will get a portion of proceeds everytime you download her song "People Got a Lotta Nerve" from her new album Middle Cyclone.



All you have to do is share this song download and Best Friends get some cashage. Great song + donating to help puppehs and kittehs (and other animals) = the height of unicorn rainbow magic! Learn more about it at anti-label.

Please to download here.

Something Resembling a Year in Review

As I was commenting on E's post on New Year's Resolutions, I re-read my year-end roundup I wrote last year at around this time. I posted it on FB but I'll re-post part of it (I cut out some of the boring answers) here with commentary. I wish I wrote more cause it's amazing how many things you forget.

"1. The biggest change in your life this year?
Moving to China on a pretty short notice. Both scary and exciting.

The whole living in Beijing thing was a huge fuckin change (when I first wrote that last year, I had only been there about 3 weeks). It was amazing and I still miss it everyday. Having to come back was kind of devastating and depressing. But everything is for the best right? Right!?

Probably. The pollution probably takes a few years of your life. But still, the food, the city, cheap massages..


2. What did you do over the summer?
Studied for the Bar, took the Bar, tried to forget the Bar in Mexico, H'ville and New York, passed the Bar (woo), started freaking out about not having a job.

My summer was spent working, spending as much time as possible with my friends and boyfriend in Beijing (with a quick trip to Shanghai and Hangzhou), being depressed for awhile in Portland, and then beginning to feel better.

3. How were relationships with boyfriends/ girlfriends?
Boyfriends = generally bad. 2007 was not the year of the boyz for me. Girlfriends = amazing. Srsly, my betches are awesome. I don't know what I'd do without them.

Hmm, this is pretty much the same. 2008 was also not a year of the boyz, though my Chinese bf was cute and sweet, our relationship was a bit weird and I can't say it ended that well. But again, girlfriends = amazing.

4. What news story sticks in your mind the most from 2007?
All the fab Republican sex scandals. Thanks Larry Craig for Cocktober.

All things Obama. (BTW, I kind of want this tshirt. It combines 2 of my favorite things!) Also the Olympics and the earthquake in Sichuan were huge. Larry Craig and company set a high bar for sex scandals but I think Rick Warren is showing all the tell-tale signs of something scandalizingly awesome to come (the louder they are, the bigger the hypocrite). Spitzer's was ok but more just sad than entertaining. And I mean sad for his wife, not for him. I think Spitz is an asshole.

5. Favorite song from the year? Ack, too many good songs.

This one is a bit easier this year since I can count the number of new albums I got on 2 hands. Good new pop music is surprisingly not the easiest thing to get in Beijing (though they loooove Britney Spears). So good songs would have to be from Chairlift, Lupe Fiasco, or Hercules & Love Affair

6. Favorite artist this year? Probably The National or Jens Lekman.

One of the 3 mentioned in #5. Unless they mean artist as in 'art' art. Then I'd say whoever drew this picture, even though he's probably dead by now. Mei-mei and Ting Ting will cut a bitch just for looking at them funny!

I didn't bring back too many things from China (besides a 'Diesel' purse and 'Ferragamo' wallet) but I do have this poster up in my room and I kind of love Chinese propaganda art. It's so craze.


9. Who are you most proud of (can be a famous or non- famous person)? Heather, from ANTM.
Hahaha, I love this answer. I'm sticking to it.


12. Did you do anything you never thought you would do?
I moved to China. And started eating meat again. Mmmm lamb never tasted so good.

You may not know from my posts about my love of pig-based meats, but I was a vegetarian for 7, almost 8 years, when I moved to China and decided to start eating meat again. I don't know if I can ever go back. But for this year...hmm...working at a business law firm was definitely something I never thought I'd do. I always pictured myself a civil litigation or family law person.

19. Are you making any new years resolutions for 2008? Nope. I want a decent-paying job, a dog (english bulldog of course), and a boyfriend (or a number of cute guys to date) but whether or not any of those happen is really up in the air. I don't think I can 'resolve' to get those. Except the dog. I think my resolution will be to get a dog. It's the only one I have total control over.

Ha, so getting a dog is still on my list for 2009 (this is definitely the year for Sprinkles) but I'm not tied to my English bulldog anymore. They're not too common in shelters and the Humane Society. Any small, kind of lazy dog will do. I'm not too concerned about a bf and I have a job. I do need to add getting my own apartment to the list. I want to buy a condo but I'll be happy with a nice place to rent. Sorry roomies! Y'all are totes cool but I'm a loner when it comes to my living space. Also, I want to read more, write more, and be more proactive about getting out and having a life.

And that's about it. Am I forgetting something big from last year? Probably, but I drink too much wine to have a good memory."

So there's kind of a personal roundup. I probably am forgetting tons of stuff about 2008 but I still drink too much wine to have a good memory. I'm taking my day off today to scour through the internets for my fav pop culture and cute animal stories of 2008 that I will probably post up here soon. I'm feeling a bit re-re and lazy this morning.

Happy New Year's y'all!!

How Agrado Spent Her Weekend

I spent the weekend at Elaine's house cause the bitch was down in Mexico where it's warm and sunny. On the upside, I got to housesit, which means I had a whole house to myself. A house that comes with a dog!! The easiest dog in the world to take care of. I let her out a few times a day, I fed her, I pet her, and then she just lay on her blanket while I watched Law & Order and Golden Girls (cause I'm 80 years old). It was heaven y'all. This is how Turtle spent most of her weekend.

I don't have a TV at home so I've been catching up on the multitudes of bizarro TV shows that are on now. I really wish I had Animal Planet. It's totes my new favorite network. I can watch it all day long. Fat Pets, Animal Cops, Dogs 101, Cats 101, It's Me or the Dog (though I'm not crazy about the new American episodes. What happened to her dominatrix outfits!?)

And isn't it weird that everything is now a realitv show? I just watched Scream Queens on Vh1. A girl I went to law school with is on Whale Wars (that show where militant animal rights activists ram into whaling ships). I saw a preview for a show about people that give parking tickets! I wonder if this is some attempt at making people happier with their jobs by showing that even mundane work is exciting enough for TV. Cause I'm in a profession that has a billion shows about it, and I seriously heart L&O, but it is nowhere near that exciting. I can't imagine that getting a role in Saw VI is really going to change your life and start your career. Being on ANTM won't even launch your career, and TyTy is exponentially more famous than all the Saw movies put together.

I also watched the season finale of The Pick-up Artist 2 (and by watched, I mean I had it on mute for half of the 10 minutes I was able to not implode from RT). Oh my god that is the most ridiculous show on the planet!! Despite the fact it is based on a laughably sexist premise, I can't even muster up the energy to be offended. Mystery is so distractingly, ludicrously ridiculous, I would need to make up a whole new word for him. At this point all I've got is wtfzomgwtf, but I'm sure I'll think of something better soon.

Now I'm back at my house. My cold sad house with other people living in it. I seriously need to get my own place soon. It's not that my roommate isn't nice (only 1 now, but 2 more are coming). I just have this thing where I don't want people around in my living space most of the time. I love having guests and stuff, but for the most part, I just want to be by myself. Especially in the morning when I'm a zombie-bitch-from-hell before I have my first cup of coffee. Is it so much to ask to just stay in your room until I leave for work! Sheesh.

Oh, and I did two other awesome things this weekend.
1) 2 of my girlfriends came over while I was at E's and we cooked an aaaaaamazing dinner of lamb meatballs on polenta with veggies. We sat around, drank wine, talked shit. It was awesome.

It doesn't look half as good in that picture as it tasted. But try it. It's fuckin delish.

2) I went to the NIN show at the Rose Quarter. Holy crap it was amazing (and I realize I say a lot of shit is amazing, but omg, seriously. This show was Afuckinmazing.*) I've seen them before and I've had a long-lasting crush on Trent Reznor (I secretly heart goth dudes. They're so pensive!), but they have put together some crazy shit for this tour. Not only do they rock the old school tracks, the visuals at the show are unreal. And again. Hot.

So that was my weekend. My birthday party was not that fun, which is why I didn't post about it. Aaah well, what can you do. I could (and probably will) write more about my new favorite shows and other awesome meals I've cooked (or my friends have cooked and I played sous chef). But it's Monday night, and I'm totes over my day.

* I really need substitutes for "amazing" and "awesome." I use them way too much.

All The Single Ladies!

I'm back in dreary Portland after my whirlwind weekend with my amazingly wonderful college buddies. We had a wonderful time up in Seattle hanging at the W hotel and dancing all night at Neighbours. I've never been to a gay bar with so many straight dudes. Or gay dudes who hit on women. Good times though. Good times.

Oh if only I didn't have to work again. And if only birthdays were holidays ::sigh:: But I've managed to entertain myself today instead of going to the office, like I should, with this amazing (or CRAMAZING!) video for Beyonce's (Sasha Fierce's...whatever) song. I'm not generally a Beyonce fan (looooved Destiny's Child though) because I just can't get past her lyrics. "Irreplaceable" is a catchy tune, but I think there's something wrong with rhyming a word with the same word. Can't you be more creative? Do you really have to say "I could have another you in a minute. Matter fact, he'll be here in a minute"? And I'm sorry, but "If I Were a Boy" was already done by Ciara in 2006 and her version is way better. That said, I'm obsessed with the video for "Single Ladies." It's the best dance routine ever. Look at her legs! And her butt! And all in those heels! It's magically hypnotizing. Seriously. I've watched the first minute and a half of the video 10 times today.

Ok now I'm really off to work. Just for a few hours though. I also need to go boot shopping and the library and then later I'm going to see Milk. And tomorrow I'll be 25! Yikes.