Orly Taitz

I'm convinced Orly Taitz is an actress, a secret liberal who's plan is to show how craaazy these birther wingnuts are.

Exhibit #1

The Not-State-of-the-Union

I have to admit. Political speeches just aren't as funny anymore. No new words, no gross mispronunciations, no vague and unsubstantiated threats from things like human animal hybrids. I still remember a time when one could finish off 4, maybe 5 beers in roughly an hour, just from George Bush saying the word "terrorism." Luckily for the country (and my liver) those days are over. Obama's speech was like his previous, well-prepared speeches. Awesome, thoughtful, and leaves little room for disappointment.

Luckily, we still have the Republican response. That's where Bobby "the excorcist" Jindal comes in! Besides making fun of light rail and bringing up Katrina (seriously, why would a Republican even bring up that colossal Republican failure?), didn't he sound suspiciously (and hilariously) like Kenneth from 30 Rock? Just picture it...

"During Katrina, I visited Sheriff Harry Lee, a Democrat and a good friend of mine. When I walked into his makeshift office I'd never seen him so angry. He was yelling into the phone: 'Well, I'm the Sheriff and if you don't like it you can come and arrest me!' I asked him: 'Sheriff, what's got you so mad?' He told me that he had put out a call for volunteers to come with their boats to rescue people who were trapped on their rooftops by the floodwaters. The boats were all lined up ready to go -- when some bureaucrat showed up and told them they couldn't go out on the water unless they had proof of insurance and registration. I told him, 'Sheriff, that's ridiculous.' And before I knew it, he was yelling into the phone: 'Congressman Jindal is here, and he says you can come and arrest him too!' Harry just told the boaters to ignore the bureaucrats and start rescuing people. "

Can't you just see Kenneth saying that! And the cartoonishness of that story convinced me that the evil bureaucrat looked something like this:

As he let out an evil guffaw before running off mumbling something about a mouse and squirrel.

I twittered the speech with my friend Julia (who, no joke, has Russian parents named Boris and Natasha) and I had a twitter-jinx with my friend Kim about how Bobby sounded just like everyone's favorite NBC page. Then I looked on Wonkette and they liveblogged the phenomena. OS Khang has already done the appropriate photoshopping. Goes to show that all of your original ideas are probably shared by hundreds of people on the Internet.

Ragey and Happy Political Shizz

The first thing I thought of when I saw this picture


was this one



I was in college when that "partial birth abortion" shit was passed and I could never get that fuckin image of Bush and his white dudes so gleefully fucking happy they can control women's bodies out of my head. That picture became a real symbol, at least to me, of the fuckeduppery going on in the White House. Thank you Obama for now letting me replace that awful image with the wonderful one of you signing the Lilly Ledbetter Act. And to give credit where it's due, Jill at Feministe actually put the two together on paper (or um, blog paper?) earlier this week. But really, what a beautiful image of our new president surrounded by a bunch of amazing, strong, and brilliant women (shout out to Congresswoman Eleanor Holmes Norton! You should watch that video, it's so awesomely hilars.)

And speaking of Republicans and their misogynist ways, after getting all pissy about the provision in the economic stimulus bill helping states fund contraception to women through medicaid, it was taken out. None of the douchebags voted for the stimulus bill anyway, but I hear the contraception provision will appear in another bill. Republicans shouldn't get their panties in a wad about birth control when their states have some of the highest rates of non-AIDS STDs. But as my friend mentioned earlier this week, maybe they'll make syphilis a new tax credit!

Anyway, here in Unicorn Rainbow land, we don't end on such dour ragey political notes. So to end this post, I'll leave you with some good sex news from our not so furry friends. Wonkette described it succinctly as "A gruesome, century-old cancer-ridden basilisk in New Zealand somehow impregnated another monster, and 11 baby Cockatrice hatched on Monday. Change is here!" I wouldn't go so far as gruesome or monstrous (they're related to dinosaurs!). It's just loooove. And he had cancer on his junk for like, 80 years.

It's a Movie Saturday

Friday, I went out after work with a co-worker and some mutual friends of ours and somehow spent about 4 hours in a bar without realizing it. So Saturday was quite a lazy, lounge on the bed, lounge on the couch, 30-rock watching day. I also re-watched one of my favorite movies "Me and You and Everyone We Know" before heading off to a delightful dinner with the bestie and her mom who's in town visiting. We went to see Frost/Nixon after that and now I am contemplating putting on some Harold & Maude to close out my evening.

Me & You & Everyone We Know is such a beautifully touching and remarkably un-cheesy movie about people trying to connect with each other. The casting is perfect, the music is perfect, and Miranda July (who I have a major girl crush on) writes really amazing subtle scenes with just the right amount of awkwardness, emotion, and sometimes just plain weirdness. I can't say enough about it, but really you only need one reason to see this movie and it's this:

I would have a baby only if I knew he would be this kid. The scene with ))<>(( has me in tears laughing every time I see it.

Frost/Nixon I am less crazy about, though I do like it. I had no idea Kevin Bacon was in it and I kind of giggled every time he had a major boner for Nixon. But wow, Frank Langella playing Nixon? A.Mazing. I never thought I'd feel almost bad for the guy. I wonder if someday someone will be able to make a movie that makes George Bush seem at least a little sad or worthy of some level of empathy (he should hope as much). Buuut, Nixon was much much smarter than GWB will ever dream to be and actually did have some accomplishments during his tenure, so maybe Bush will always be looked at as a huge retardo failure.

Also, it makes me sad to think that history just fuckin repeats itself. Parts of the Frost/Nixon interviews sound like they're coming straight from GWB himself (though of course, Bush isn't half as eloquent as Nixon is. He'd fuck up all the lines and sound like a retard, but the ideas and excuses are the same). This is one reason why I'm a major proponent of a serious investigation (if not prosecution, but a girl can dream..) into Bush's presidency. People like to throw out the bullshit line of "it's no time to point fingers. We have to look ahead, not back!" But if we don't look at what happened in the past, we are so fucking cliche doomed to repeat it. And Frost/Nixon is a wonderful reminder of that.

Now I think I'll watch another of my top 5 favorite movies, "Harold & Maude." I cry everytime I see it but it's so worth it. One of my favorite love stories ever. Goes to show I'd love a love story about a 19 year old and 79 year old. That shit is hot.

“I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out.”

Had cancer not prematurely taken him in 1994, I am pretty sure Bill Hicks would've imploded from the overwhelming stupid of George W. Bush somewhere around, oh 2002. I still find him hilarious and relevant today, 14 years after he passed on. I guess I just relate to his righteous indignation. And really, some things haven't changed from 1992 to 2008. Oh Bill would've had such a field day with Sarah Palin.



"You believe the world is 12,000 years old?
That's right.
Ok, I got one word to ask you. A one word question. Ready?
Uh-huh.
Dinosaurs."

Whenever I'm feeling down or just generally want a good laugh, Bill never fails me.

Teh Hotness

Taken from a benefit for the Spina Bifida Association.
Here is an ok video of the roast. It's a bit shaky and I'd really love to see more reactions (like Dana Perino's!) so I hope a better version comes out soon, but it's worth a watch. Oh Rahm...you're so dreamy...

Where Agrado goes Squeeeeeee over the Obamas

I just came back from my first ever book club meeting. I've always wanted to be in a book club and when my friend Elaine over at ICKH emailed me about starting one, I was all about it. Of course we ended up just talking about what's going on in everyone's lives and spent all of 3 1/2 minutes talking about the book we had chosen ("The Department of Lost & Found" by Allison Winn Scotch - it was ok. Not wonderful but an easy read. I found the main character annoying and unrelatable in a lot of ways, but moving on....), it was a lovely evening all around. We had originally scheduled our date for November 4th, forgetting for 3 seconds that it was election night, but we made a point to toast to the best news in the last decade. We talked about how hot Rahm Emanuel is (a topic which I think will be more thoroughly covered in a future blog post), and just how awesome the Obamas seem as a family and as a couple. This site really captures it. My fav pic is this one:

I can't think of a more genuinely happy and comfortable looking couple that is in the public sphere than the Obamas. They remind me of my parents. Their whole family dynamic is completely relatable. All of the pictures of their family just scream to me "Please reach into your computer screen and give me a big ol' hug full of happiness!"

I'm excited by the executive orders that Obama has planned, how much time and effort he's putting into his transition team, the set of brilliant advisors I'm sure he'll have, and I'm uncharacteristically optimistic about his chances at being successful policy-wise. But I also know that Democrats love to hate on Democrats, it's that whole self-deprecating thing we do, so I know there will be a lot of criticism of the Obama administration within 6 months of his inauguration. They'll bitch and moan about all the things he said he'd get done but can't get done in 10 days because even with the Executive and the Legislative branches controlled by Democrats, we still have 8 years of shit to fix. That's a lot of shit. But it's inevitable and the Democrats will be angry and the hopegasm will eventually be over. I know Obama is not Cheesus and he does not perform miracles. Despite that I still feel excited about his family being "the first family" and what that means for Americans. Even if he ends up falling short of his expectations, I can't imagine not feeling the giddyness I feel everytime I see the Obamas as a family. Barack's story is so quintessentially American, Mark Twain couldn't have written a better story if he tried.