And Then There's Maude

As I mentioned earlier this week, I've got a new schmooky poo face all my own. Her name is Maude (the old compromisin, enterprisin' anything but traqulizin' Right on Maude!). I did consider getting a little pit bull mix but when we went to the shelter to check out puppehs, Maude was it.



She's amazing. She loves walks, cheese, and cat food. Her dislikes include being left alone and not being able to play with the cats. I hosted wine club this weekend (which was totes fab, as always) and she did great with all our guests. It was hard the first few days leaving her when I went to work but she's ok with her crate. I know she doesn't love it but she doesn't totally hate it and cries only a little. Now we're gonna enjoy the rest of our Saturday out of this crazy effin' rain and hail watching some crappy TV. And maybe some napping.

Finally!

It's been almost a month of quiet here in Unicorn Rainbow land. But soooooo much has happened y'all. April was a pretty amazing month. As I mentioned earlier, I was off to the homeland to see the fam a couple weeks ago. It was a great trip and Warsaw was awesome. We had perfect weather and I ate lots of delicious food.

This was my Easter plate. I literally ate pate everyday I was there. Sooooooo goooood


These are Polish doughnuts from Blikle. Orange rinds on top and a rose petal sauce filling give it that extra special yum.


And one of my favorite things to do in Warsaw is go to the Old Town square and get a beer and ice cream. Though my mom looks unhappy with her soup, it was actually delicious and she loved it.

Overall it was a great trip. I loved seeing my parents and spending time with my grandparents, cousins, aunt and uncle. It was sad to leave them all but life awaits back in Portland.

Another big piece of news for this month is that I finally got a dog! My almost 2 years in planning plan has finally happened! I am officially a dog owner. And she's the best dog I could've ever imagined. She's sweet and loves to cuddle, loves her walks but when she's not walking, she'd rather be on the couch sleeping. She hasn't become friends with the cats yet cause they just want none of it but I am sure they will warm up to her soon.


I've been a terrible mom and not taken many pictures. She is fuckin adorable, especially when you hold her like a baby and she falls asleep but it's hard to take a good picture when you've got a puppeh in your arms! Her name is Maude, after the late great Bea Arthur who passed away the day that I got her. She's about a year old, maybe 1 1/2. She is the best. Here is a picture of her from the shelter web site. As you'll see, we changed her name but I don't think she cares at all. Anyway, I have to get to bed so I can get up early for our walk. Weeeee! More pictures to come. Also, tomorrow is our wine club with a book problem! Double weeee! Now if only work didn't suck a lot, all would be well. Until next time, you can watch this video of a sleeping corgi (Maude is part corgi, part rat terrier (we think)).

Insert Polish Joke Here

Just kidding. Don't. I hate those jokes.

I'm heading out to the homeland for a week or so to see the fam in Warsaw. Last time I went was 4 years ago so I'm looking forward to it. My grandparents don't have the internetz so I will only occasionally be checking email and what not from the crappy internet cafe by my grandma's house. I'll also be eating delicious Polish sausage and pierogi while drinking vodka and bringing down communism. Good times! I'm coming back the day after Easter so I hope I don't get a bucket of water poured on my head on the way to the airport. That would be teh suck. Ok I'm off!

Here's a Post...about Stuff..and some other stuff...

Contrary to my crappy blogging record, I do in fact think about rainbows and unicorns and unicorn rainbows often. I'm always hoping I get inspiration for a full blog post (and tonight's Drag Race finale + reunion special is sure to inspire). Speaking of which, my bestie from college was up here this weekend with her man friend and we had a great weekend browsing through Powell's, eating amazing doughnuts with bacon on them, winning $ on the Oregon lotto scratchies at the boozeria, and watching the entire season of Drag Race (thanks Logo marathon!). I had "The Greatest Love of All" stuck in my head for most of today and I had to fight the urge to yell "extravaganza eleganza!," "camerooooon!" and saying "loca don't touch my mangoes loca!" It was hard, but I held it in till I got home.


I want to listen to books on tape read by Ms. Nina Flowers. Team Nina for the win!

Aaaaanyway, lately, beyond Drag Race and the cats, I have not been very inspired. I've gone through my p.b.p. tag on my google reader (possible blog posts) in case I had tagged something for later and forgot about it. Turns out when I read the internetz late at night after a few glasses of wine I like really silly shit.

Like mutant rodents:


Or random ads about delicious food staples:


Yeesh! For some reason I guess I just think these will perfectly accompany some random story about something silly. But really, what could I possibly write about where anthropomorphous food will be applicable? Giant rodents maybe, but a cheeseheaded man? I highly doubt it.

But as long as I just keep this in mind, I think I'll be ok.

Thanks gay rainbow superhero man. I do believe in myself.

Gettin all cat lady on you

The last 2 weeks have been quite the moving party (hence the lack of posting). As an unwritten rule, I move at least once a year. I've been squatting at a friend's house for the past 8 months so I was ready to move in somewhere that's not just my friend's room, but my bed, my books, and my (albeit crappy) furniture. I moved to NE Portland with the bestie and it's fab fab fab. My new house also comes with 2 kitties and we had a fun animal hospital visit already. Little Joseph Stalin had a rough transition from his old house to here and stuck himself up in the ceiling of the basement of his old house. During his adventure, we suspect he got his face in some fiberglass insulation and ended up with a weird puncture-wound-looking cut on his cheek. Last Saturday it looked like not a big deal but Sunday it was bleeding and not so pretty so we went over to Dove Lewis (which is definitely a god send for pet emergencies, not like this one was, but I'm glad it's there) and Joe ended up with this fine looking accessory.



Needless to say, he LOVED his new astronaut look. But after a week of antibiotics and confusion when his plastic necklace hit things like the wall or the couch, he's mostly better now. It's scabbed over nicely and he's not scratching it. And just so I don't leave Torque out, here's a video of him doing some sit-ups while we were watching The Office last week.

Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve, and Talent

I started a post about Drag Race last week before I moved to my fab new house:

"I posted about Drag Race a few weeks ago, and don't think I've forgotten about it! The wonders of the internet and Logo mean I get to watch it every week despite me not having a TV or cable. And I've got some favorites I want to share.

Ongina is the cutest Filipina ever to fierce her way down a catwalk. Bebe Zahara is 10 kinds of fabulous and Nina Flowers..oh Nina. I'm sorry I ever doubted you."

My fab new house comes with supermega cable that includes Bravo, Fox Reality Show Network, Fine Living Network, National Geographic Channel (yay Dog Whisperer!!!) and Logo. I just watched the new episode of Drag Race and ::major spoiler alert:: I am so disappointed that Ru kicked Ongina off!! WTF?! She was one of the best. This is just like when Austin Scarlett got auf'd from Proj Run. Rebecca Glasscock is Drag Race's Wendy Pepper.





You were too good for reality tv.

I would write more about this unfairness but it's late and I have to go to bed. It's been a long weekend of moving and shizz but hopefully I'll have some fun pictures from my new place (I'm trying to get one of the cats while they're still confused as to why I'm around more. Their wtf face is adorbs!) Till then cuddle up with an owl that's cuddling up with a fake owl.

I know how you feel little guy. The world is cruel.

The Not-State-of-the-Union

I have to admit. Political speeches just aren't as funny anymore. No new words, no gross mispronunciations, no vague and unsubstantiated threats from things like human animal hybrids. I still remember a time when one could finish off 4, maybe 5 beers in roughly an hour, just from George Bush saying the word "terrorism." Luckily for the country (and my liver) those days are over. Obama's speech was like his previous, well-prepared speeches. Awesome, thoughtful, and leaves little room for disappointment.

Luckily, we still have the Republican response. That's where Bobby "the excorcist" Jindal comes in! Besides making fun of light rail and bringing up Katrina (seriously, why would a Republican even bring up that colossal Republican failure?), didn't he sound suspiciously (and hilariously) like Kenneth from 30 Rock? Just picture it...

"During Katrina, I visited Sheriff Harry Lee, a Democrat and a good friend of mine. When I walked into his makeshift office I'd never seen him so angry. He was yelling into the phone: 'Well, I'm the Sheriff and if you don't like it you can come and arrest me!' I asked him: 'Sheriff, what's got you so mad?' He told me that he had put out a call for volunteers to come with their boats to rescue people who were trapped on their rooftops by the floodwaters. The boats were all lined up ready to go -- when some bureaucrat showed up and told them they couldn't go out on the water unless they had proof of insurance and registration. I told him, 'Sheriff, that's ridiculous.' And before I knew it, he was yelling into the phone: 'Congressman Jindal is here, and he says you can come and arrest him too!' Harry just told the boaters to ignore the bureaucrats and start rescuing people. "

Can't you just see Kenneth saying that! And the cartoonishness of that story convinced me that the evil bureaucrat looked something like this:

As he let out an evil guffaw before running off mumbling something about a mouse and squirrel.

I twittered the speech with my friend Julia (who, no joke, has Russian parents named Boris and Natasha) and I had a twitter-jinx with my friend Kim about how Bobby sounded just like everyone's favorite NBC page. Then I looked on Wonkette and they liveblogged the phenomena. OS Khang has already done the appropriate photoshopping. Goes to show that all of your original ideas are probably shared by hundreds of people on the Internet.