Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve, and Talent

I started a post about Drag Race last week before I moved to my fab new house:

"I posted about Drag Race a few weeks ago, and don't think I've forgotten about it! The wonders of the internet and Logo mean I get to watch it every week despite me not having a TV or cable. And I've got some favorites I want to share.

Ongina is the cutest Filipina ever to fierce her way down a catwalk. Bebe Zahara is 10 kinds of fabulous and Nina Flowers..oh Nina. I'm sorry I ever doubted you."

My fab new house comes with supermega cable that includes Bravo, Fox Reality Show Network, Fine Living Network, National Geographic Channel (yay Dog Whisperer!!!) and Logo. I just watched the new episode of Drag Race and ::major spoiler alert:: I am so disappointed that Ru kicked Ongina off!! WTF?! She was one of the best. This is just like when Austin Scarlett got auf'd from Proj Run. Rebecca Glasscock is Drag Race's Wendy Pepper.





You were too good for reality tv.

I would write more about this unfairness but it's late and I have to go to bed. It's been a long weekend of moving and shizz but hopefully I'll have some fun pictures from my new place (I'm trying to get one of the cats while they're still confused as to why I'm around more. Their wtf face is adorbs!) Till then cuddle up with an owl that's cuddling up with a fake owl.

I know how you feel little guy. The world is cruel.

You Better Work

Last night I decided against going out to a bar and stayed in with my bestie to watch "It's Me or the Dog" and my 2 new favorite reality TV shows (well, just 1 new favorite, the other is just ok). Yea it's totally lame but we're kind of homebodies and I really have to be in the mood to make it out to the Pearl (for the non-Portlanders, it's the snotty yuppie part of town). Don't judge me because I picked TV and my bestie over popped collars and $10 cocktails!

Anyway, so besides a sweet episode of IMotD where a guy breaks down because his 2 pit bulls keep destroying his house but he can't give them up because they'll be put to sleep (they weren't aggressive or anything, they just got bored and ate stuff like his couch and blinds), we saw 2 new VH1 reality wonders, "For the Love of Ray J" and "Drag Race." (For the record, I just searched for a clip of the IMotD ep. and instead found all these sad videos about pit bulls and laws that want to outlaw the breed and then I cried for 10 minutes and now I'm pulling myself back together. For your future reference, don't youtube pit bulls. It'll just make you sad :(

I didn't think Ray J had anything going for him besides that sex tape and being Brandy's bro but supposedly he's also come out with a record or something. The Ray J show is the typical dating show a la I love New York, Flavor of Love, Rock of Love, Real Chance of Love. Not even any real twists. Reality tv looking for 'love' shows have become so ubiquitous and formulaic that every new show is uninspiringly the same. Just get the contestants together, edit the tape to find the characters you know will stay through till the 2nd to last episode (like the one everyone else hates but she's not here to make friends!), and then give the appropriate token of winning each round (insert rose/key/clock necklace/glass of champagne), followed by many episodes of fighting, drinking, jacuzzing, and no substantive conversation.

My favorite part was where Ray J gives each girl a nickname, not because he has to, but because that's how they do it on other shows. Following in the footsteps of Flava Flav, he goes around the table with a free association name game. The girl drinking wine is Chardonnay, the girl who is a cocktail waitress ::drum roll:: Cocktail. The girl with a tiger tattoo on her face is Dangerous. One girl had great skin, which made Ray J think of something soft, which made him think of a scarf, so he named her Cashmere. Yea. It's a good thing none of them were taking a bite of food and got stuck with "Roast Beef" or "Cauliflower" or sitting in front of a plant and got "Ficus." The rest of the show goes along pretty predictably. Some girls think they are classy because they just sit in his lap trying to take off his shirt, while others do the splits and hump the floor. Tomato, tomahtoe.

The real new wonder of reality tv comes from RuPaul.


If ANTM had an IVF baby with Project Runway, it would be Drag Race. Thomas Rogers in Salon recently wrote:

"The Bette Midlers and Whitney Houstons have been replaced by Katy Perry and the Pussycat Dolls. "The sad thing is, the pop stars that were popularly impersonated in my day all had personality," says [drag legend] Lady Bunny. "How are you going to impersonate Rihanna? What is her personality? You don't know, because she's just a product."

The point is a good one, and Tyra Banks is as close to a personality perfectly made for drag queens as you can get these days. RuPaul is basically doing Tyra in drag and it's a match made in heaven. Comparisons have already been made and Drag Race just really steps it up a notch. But back to the wonder of the show. It's basically an ANTM contest to find America's next top drag queen with its first contest being a Proj Run-esque 'make your own costume from pieces of crap from the dollar store,' with the added bonus of Santino being a regular judge.

There are a lot of great queens (with wonderful names like Rebecca Glasscock and Ongina) in the running but I was disappointed that they got rid of Victoria Parker right at the get go. She is classic drag (but I guess she just didn't lip-sync for her life hard enough) and just seemed like the sweetest person ever.

Apparently the judges and I don't agree on anything because they let creepy creepy creeepy Tammie Brown stay

And gave the top prize to Nina Flowers. I give Nina props for the outlandishness but the beauty and wonder of drag (at least for me) is the complete gender-bending aspect. I love how they can refer to each other in any pronoun: he, she, ladies, queens, regardless of what they're wearing. Androgynous is one thing but Nina's outfit looks like a character from The Dark Crystal or Labyrinth. There's not a hint of woman or man in there, it's just a costume. I was rooting for you Victoria!

One final thing we noticed was the interesting job the censor must have. Santino described one of the ladies' outfits as "You look like you're about to give a $20 handjob." Of course on TV he said "You look like you're about to give a $20 handbleep." This prompted a discussion about how confused the censor must be. Do you bleep out the hand or the job? Neither is censor-worthy, but together? Well there's a conundrum. And I wonder if they considered Rebecca Glasscock. Did they decide it was just too hard to keep up with always introducing her as Rebecca Glassbeep? Or is Glasscock ok because uh, cocks aren't normally glass? Aaaaand these are the important issues I think about. I'm glad RuPaul is back. We could all use some drag in our lives.

Can You Handle The Hotness?

I didn't think so.
ZOMG! Diego Luna and Gael Garcia Bernal back together again in a movie. Thank you Jebus.
I think both of them would be on my list of people that I would get a free pass to cheat on my boyfriend/husband with if I got the chance. Yay 2009! I didn't like Diego Luna in 'Milk' (loved the movie though) but he is so amazingly hot in 'Dirty Dancing 2: Havana Nights.' (And yes I realize I'm admitting I've seen it. But I'll go a step further and say I've seen it multiple times). But really. He was.

Oh how I love holidays. I spent new year's day reading and listening to episodes of "This American Life" that were on my podcast subscription but I hadn't listened to. Have I mentioned my nerdcrush on Ira Glass? I'm pretty sure I have.

I also watched a couple episodes of this crazy show I read about on Tokyomango about this guy who spent a year living in a room and could only live off things he won from mail-in contests. I'm not sure how he didn't starve that first month but watching him go nutty from lack of social interaction and do his victory dance every time the mailman came and delivered him stuff (like a live lobster, a TV, or a stuffed animal sea lion) is the kind of voyeuristic joy that can only be surpassed by the can-fessionals in MTV's newest fauxreality TV masterpiece, Bromance. I wonder when MTV will drop that completely misleading "music" from its network name and just dive head first into what it really does best. The True Lifes, the Mades, Paris Hilton's BFF-esque shows.. Just switch it to RTV or FRTV (which is just a step from FARTV! which would be the best network name ever. If you were an 8 year old boy..)

My weekend was relaxing. My bestie and I made baked macaroni & cheese, which I'll be eating for another day or so, and watched Serenity. I'm going to spend my Sunday finishing our book club book, doing some laundry, unpacking (I'm the slowest unpacker on the face of the planet), and heading to trivia tonight. Let's hope it doesn't snow again this week. But if it does, can it come with some pandas playing in my backyard?

How Agrado Spent Her Weekend

I spent the weekend at Elaine's house cause the bitch was down in Mexico where it's warm and sunny. On the upside, I got to housesit, which means I had a whole house to myself. A house that comes with a dog!! The easiest dog in the world to take care of. I let her out a few times a day, I fed her, I pet her, and then she just lay on her blanket while I watched Law & Order and Golden Girls (cause I'm 80 years old). It was heaven y'all. This is how Turtle spent most of her weekend.

I don't have a TV at home so I've been catching up on the multitudes of bizarro TV shows that are on now. I really wish I had Animal Planet. It's totes my new favorite network. I can watch it all day long. Fat Pets, Animal Cops, Dogs 101, Cats 101, It's Me or the Dog (though I'm not crazy about the new American episodes. What happened to her dominatrix outfits!?)

And isn't it weird that everything is now a realitv show? I just watched Scream Queens on Vh1. A girl I went to law school with is on Whale Wars (that show where militant animal rights activists ram into whaling ships). I saw a preview for a show about people that give parking tickets! I wonder if this is some attempt at making people happier with their jobs by showing that even mundane work is exciting enough for TV. Cause I'm in a profession that has a billion shows about it, and I seriously heart L&O, but it is nowhere near that exciting. I can't imagine that getting a role in Saw VI is really going to change your life and start your career. Being on ANTM won't even launch your career, and TyTy is exponentially more famous than all the Saw movies put together.

I also watched the season finale of The Pick-up Artist 2 (and by watched, I mean I had it on mute for half of the 10 minutes I was able to not implode from RT). Oh my god that is the most ridiculous show on the planet!! Despite the fact it is based on a laughably sexist premise, I can't even muster up the energy to be offended. Mystery is so distractingly, ludicrously ridiculous, I would need to make up a whole new word for him. At this point all I've got is wtfzomgwtf, but I'm sure I'll think of something better soon.

Now I'm back at my house. My cold sad house with other people living in it. I seriously need to get my own place soon. It's not that my roommate isn't nice (only 1 now, but 2 more are coming). I just have this thing where I don't want people around in my living space most of the time. I love having guests and stuff, but for the most part, I just want to be by myself. Especially in the morning when I'm a zombie-bitch-from-hell before I have my first cup of coffee. Is it so much to ask to just stay in your room until I leave for work! Sheesh.

Oh, and I did two other awesome things this weekend.
1) 2 of my girlfriends came over while I was at E's and we cooked an aaaaaamazing dinner of lamb meatballs on polenta with veggies. We sat around, drank wine, talked shit. It was awesome.

It doesn't look half as good in that picture as it tasted. But try it. It's fuckin delish.

2) I went to the NIN show at the Rose Quarter. Holy crap it was amazing (and I realize I say a lot of shit is amazing, but omg, seriously. This show was Afuckinmazing.*) I've seen them before and I've had a long-lasting crush on Trent Reznor (I secretly heart goth dudes. They're so pensive!), but they have put together some crazy shit for this tour. Not only do they rock the old school tracks, the visuals at the show are unreal. And again. Hot.

So that was my weekend. My birthday party was not that fun, which is why I didn't post about it. Aaah well, what can you do. I could (and probably will) write more about my new favorite shows and other awesome meals I've cooked (or my friends have cooked and I played sous chef). But it's Monday night, and I'm totes over my day.

* I really need substitutes for "amazing" and "awesome." I use them way too much.

How Agrado Spent Her Weekend

Hmm...well, let's see. First, I caught up on ANTM and watched the season (excuse me, Cycle) 11 finale. It was pretty boring and I was never a huge fan of McKey. She's pretty and all but her smile, it's so big! And this is from a person who was called Jokerface when she was little! But seriously, McKey's takes up about half her face. I was always a Sheena fan and even though Elina was annoying as shit with her whole "I'm European that's why I'm weird" thing, I still thought she was the prettiest. But I know ANTM is not about producing actual top models and more about Tyra Banks, and I don't need to re-hash that whole deal. The best IM conversation about Tyra and the finale was had between the Fug Girls. I'm so using cramazing on a regular basis.

Then I spent a lot of time catching up on the youtubes (watching the Office, catching up on the Shiba Inus, watching the cat ride the roomba...). I was also reminded of this amazing video from years past. My nerdy group of friends from college quoted this short little video approximately 3.4 million times a week. (Cause we're consumer whores. And how!)



Then after perusing through my google reader and finding out Noah's Arc is now a movie (why didn't anyone tell me!!?? And why isn't it in Portland!!??), I killed even more time looking through the collection of pictures that Life has put online and made available to everyone via the magical searchitude of Google. Omg this is brilliantly awesome. Sooooo maaaannnnyyy piiiiccctttuuurrreeess. It was hard for me to choose just a few to post. I decided to stick to cute animal ones and not even include an awesome picture of Pablo Picasso sitting in his house with no pants on. Cause that's how the guy rolls! (And really, who wouldn't? Pants are so overrated.) They may be the shortest shorts ever, but I'll still pretend that Picasso sat around with no pants on. It's totes cramazing! Ok I'll link to it. But back to the animals.
Type in "cute animals" and you get this

That cheetah is 40 years old and sticking his tongue out at you!

Search for 'pets' and you get 12 pages of old black and white pictures of cute animals and their owners. Including loads of pictures of Blondie the lion who lived with a family in the UK in the 50s. Very reminiscent of Christian the lion, without the luxury of having someone put a Whitney Houston song to his story.


Hey! Did you know that pandas were cute, even back in 1901!!

19motherfuckin01 y'all.

Yea so that's how I spent a lot of my weekend. That and kicking some major ass at trivia down at the Goodfoot. My team is pretty much awesome all of the time.

Phew! This post was tiring. At least this is a short week for Thanksgiving. And then next week is my birthday! What should I do to celebrate?!