Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve, and Talent

I started a post about Drag Race last week before I moved to my fab new house:

"I posted about Drag Race a few weeks ago, and don't think I've forgotten about it! The wonders of the internet and Logo mean I get to watch it every week despite me not having a TV or cable. And I've got some favorites I want to share.

Ongina is the cutest Filipina ever to fierce her way down a catwalk. Bebe Zahara is 10 kinds of fabulous and Nina Flowers..oh Nina. I'm sorry I ever doubted you."

My fab new house comes with supermega cable that includes Bravo, Fox Reality Show Network, Fine Living Network, National Geographic Channel (yay Dog Whisperer!!!) and Logo. I just watched the new episode of Drag Race and ::major spoiler alert:: I am so disappointed that Ru kicked Ongina off!! WTF?! She was one of the best. This is just like when Austin Scarlett got auf'd from Proj Run. Rebecca Glasscock is Drag Race's Wendy Pepper.





You were too good for reality tv.

I would write more about this unfairness but it's late and I have to go to bed. It's been a long weekend of moving and shizz but hopefully I'll have some fun pictures from my new place (I'm trying to get one of the cats while they're still confused as to why I'm around more. Their wtf face is adorbs!) Till then cuddle up with an owl that's cuddling up with a fake owl.

I know how you feel little guy. The world is cruel.

Weeeeeee! The Flying Edition. In 3 Acts.

I.


II.


III.

OMG

Wow guys, it's been like forever since I last posted! I've been way busy at work, I've been sleeping horribly this past week so I've felt like a cracked-out zombie, and then then went out to celebrate the inauguration last night.

Now it's late and I'm tired but I signed up for this volunteer thingie where we have a pen-pal in a high school that's full of disadvantaged youth and my letter is due by Friday. I'm trying to walk the line between not being condescending and trying not to sound like I'm trying to sound cool. I would just write something like "omg, that Barack Obama is totes the shit, right?" if this wasn't supposed to be a mentoring kind of thing where I'm supposed to be like, a role model, and not write like I spend too much time on the Internet. Aaah well.

Anyway, I don't have too much to share right now cause I'm a big lame-o this week, but for a great read, check out Tibbs on ICKH, especially if you're not a fan of children. Like most things in this world, it reminds me of a Simpsons episode. I would totes become a member of "Singles, Seniors, Childless Couples And Teens And Gays Against Parasitic Parents." (SSCCATAGAPP) Who's with me in starting a Portland branch!?


If you feel like hatin on some capybaras, then Fuck You, Penguin is the place to go. Much like lolcats, I can't imagine a day when I will stop thinking that site is funny.

Also, these 2 pics I found on my new fav site FFFFound.

If I had the energy to rant about something, this would totes be my theme picture for it.


And this last bit of awesome. A beautiful rendition of the whale and petunia falling from Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (on my top 5 list of fav books ever).
"Curiously enough, the only thing that went through the mind of the bowl of petunias as it fell was Oh no, not again. Many people have speculated that if we knew exactly why the bowl of petunias had thought that we would know a lot more about the nature of the universe than we do now."

Ni hao bitches

A year ago, I had just landed in Beijing, settled somewhat in my little room with the broken bed, and began my 3 days of sitting in the apartment trying to adjust to the time change and waiting for the inevitable cold that besets all foreigners entering China due to the onslaught of pollution. I never did get sick so perhaps not forcing myself to do anything those first few days (besides marathon Firefly and Freaks & Geeks) helped.

I had written out a whole sappy "I MISS CHINA!!!" whiny post but this is a happy blog about magical and cramazing things so instead, I'll just post some pictures I love.


This is the new CCTV building (China Central Television). It is directly across the street from the office building I worked in so I got to see it everyday. It does look like a big pair of pants but it is unlike any other building I've ever seen.

Meat on a stick at all hours

Few things are more satiating than leaving a bar at 3:00am with the munchies and being able to get meat (or tofu or bread) on a stick for about 10 cents.

There's a huge repository of great chinglish phrases that people have encountered and can be found all over the internets. I saw quite a few but this was definitely my favorite.

Constantly people! Not just a glass with your dinner or for special occasions.

And finally, one of the best Christmas presents I've ever received from my wonderful friend seen here.

I wore this Doraemon face mask probably every day for at least 2 months, not because it helps to keep pollution out of your lungs, but it helps keep your face warm when it's below freezing and you've got a 40-minute walk to work. Also Chinese people call the little robot cat "Xiao Ding Dang" which always made me giggle. Little ding dong!

It's been snowing all day here in Portland. I'm not a fan but I think I will brave the weather and go to TJ's. I hope I don't freeze to death.

How Agrado Spent Her Weekend

I spent the weekend at Elaine's house cause the bitch was down in Mexico where it's warm and sunny. On the upside, I got to housesit, which means I had a whole house to myself. A house that comes with a dog!! The easiest dog in the world to take care of. I let her out a few times a day, I fed her, I pet her, and then she just lay on her blanket while I watched Law & Order and Golden Girls (cause I'm 80 years old). It was heaven y'all. This is how Turtle spent most of her weekend.

I don't have a TV at home so I've been catching up on the multitudes of bizarro TV shows that are on now. I really wish I had Animal Planet. It's totes my new favorite network. I can watch it all day long. Fat Pets, Animal Cops, Dogs 101, Cats 101, It's Me or the Dog (though I'm not crazy about the new American episodes. What happened to her dominatrix outfits!?)

And isn't it weird that everything is now a realitv show? I just watched Scream Queens on Vh1. A girl I went to law school with is on Whale Wars (that show where militant animal rights activists ram into whaling ships). I saw a preview for a show about people that give parking tickets! I wonder if this is some attempt at making people happier with their jobs by showing that even mundane work is exciting enough for TV. Cause I'm in a profession that has a billion shows about it, and I seriously heart L&O, but it is nowhere near that exciting. I can't imagine that getting a role in Saw VI is really going to change your life and start your career. Being on ANTM won't even launch your career, and TyTy is exponentially more famous than all the Saw movies put together.

I also watched the season finale of The Pick-up Artist 2 (and by watched, I mean I had it on mute for half of the 10 minutes I was able to not implode from RT). Oh my god that is the most ridiculous show on the planet!! Despite the fact it is based on a laughably sexist premise, I can't even muster up the energy to be offended. Mystery is so distractingly, ludicrously ridiculous, I would need to make up a whole new word for him. At this point all I've got is wtfzomgwtf, but I'm sure I'll think of something better soon.

Now I'm back at my house. My cold sad house with other people living in it. I seriously need to get my own place soon. It's not that my roommate isn't nice (only 1 now, but 2 more are coming). I just have this thing where I don't want people around in my living space most of the time. I love having guests and stuff, but for the most part, I just want to be by myself. Especially in the morning when I'm a zombie-bitch-from-hell before I have my first cup of coffee. Is it so much to ask to just stay in your room until I leave for work! Sheesh.

Oh, and I did two other awesome things this weekend.
1) 2 of my girlfriends came over while I was at E's and we cooked an aaaaaamazing dinner of lamb meatballs on polenta with veggies. We sat around, drank wine, talked shit. It was awesome.

It doesn't look half as good in that picture as it tasted. But try it. It's fuckin delish.

2) I went to the NIN show at the Rose Quarter. Holy crap it was amazing (and I realize I say a lot of shit is amazing, but omg, seriously. This show was Afuckinmazing.*) I've seen them before and I've had a long-lasting crush on Trent Reznor (I secretly heart goth dudes. They're so pensive!), but they have put together some crazy shit for this tour. Not only do they rock the old school tracks, the visuals at the show are unreal. And again. Hot.

So that was my weekend. My birthday party was not that fun, which is why I didn't post about it. Aaah well, what can you do. I could (and probably will) write more about my new favorite shows and other awesome meals I've cooked (or my friends have cooked and I played sous chef). But it's Monday night, and I'm totes over my day.

* I really need substitutes for "amazing" and "awesome." I use them way too much.

How Agrado Spent Her Weekend

Hmm...well, let's see. First, I caught up on ANTM and watched the season (excuse me, Cycle) 11 finale. It was pretty boring and I was never a huge fan of McKey. She's pretty and all but her smile, it's so big! And this is from a person who was called Jokerface when she was little! But seriously, McKey's takes up about half her face. I was always a Sheena fan and even though Elina was annoying as shit with her whole "I'm European that's why I'm weird" thing, I still thought she was the prettiest. But I know ANTM is not about producing actual top models and more about Tyra Banks, and I don't need to re-hash that whole deal. The best IM conversation about Tyra and the finale was had between the Fug Girls. I'm so using cramazing on a regular basis.

Then I spent a lot of time catching up on the youtubes (watching the Office, catching up on the Shiba Inus, watching the cat ride the roomba...). I was also reminded of this amazing video from years past. My nerdy group of friends from college quoted this short little video approximately 3.4 million times a week. (Cause we're consumer whores. And how!)



Then after perusing through my google reader and finding out Noah's Arc is now a movie (why didn't anyone tell me!!?? And why isn't it in Portland!!??), I killed even more time looking through the collection of pictures that Life has put online and made available to everyone via the magical searchitude of Google. Omg this is brilliantly awesome. Sooooo maaaannnnyyy piiiiccctttuuurrreeess. It was hard for me to choose just a few to post. I decided to stick to cute animal ones and not even include an awesome picture of Pablo Picasso sitting in his house with no pants on. Cause that's how the guy rolls! (And really, who wouldn't? Pants are so overrated.) They may be the shortest shorts ever, but I'll still pretend that Picasso sat around with no pants on. It's totes cramazing! Ok I'll link to it. But back to the animals.
Type in "cute animals" and you get this

That cheetah is 40 years old and sticking his tongue out at you!

Search for 'pets' and you get 12 pages of old black and white pictures of cute animals and their owners. Including loads of pictures of Blondie the lion who lived with a family in the UK in the 50s. Very reminiscent of Christian the lion, without the luxury of having someone put a Whitney Houston song to his story.


Hey! Did you know that pandas were cute, even back in 1901!!

19motherfuckin01 y'all.

Yea so that's how I spent a lot of my weekend. That and kicking some major ass at trivia down at the Goodfoot. My team is pretty much awesome all of the time.

Phew! This post was tiring. At least this is a short week for Thanksgiving. And then next week is my birthday! What should I do to celebrate?!